The United States turns 240 years old this year. We have a rich history full of ups and downs. We’ve achieved greatness and inspired millions all around the world. But we’ve also fallen short of who we can and need to be as a nation.
An illustrated United States history lesson through the crying eyes of Michael Jordan
Put on your crying MJ glasses and let’s take a journey through the history of this great nation.
Let’s take a journey through the highs and lows of this great nation’s history through the eyes of crying Michael Jordan.
In the beginning -- Adam and Eve were Netflix and chilling until Adam ate the forbidden fruit like an idiot. Scholars theorize that its location was near Tuscaloosa or something.
1781 -- The surrender of Cornwallis. Alright England, it’s time to GTFO!
1804 -- The Burr-Hamilton duel doesn’t end so well for Alexander Hamilton.
1846 -- A crack renders the Liberty Bell unringable.
1865 -- Robert E. Lee surrenders to Ulysses S. Grant (or Andrew Luck. We can’t remember).
1876 -- Custer’s last stand. SMH.
1929 -- The great stock market crash of 1929.
1948 -- Chicago Daily Tribune erroneously prints “Dewey defeats Truman” headline (Good thing we can just delete a tweet when we prematurely announce the winner of a competition).
1969 -- Apollo 11 lands on the moon. Deal with it, USSR.
1970 -- Apollo 13 faces certain death but the wizards at NASA safely bring home astronauts Jim Lovell, Fred Haise and Kevin Bacon.
1974 -- Nixon resigns as a result of the Watergate scandal.
2000 -- Florida election recount happens because fucking Florida.
2009 -- Michael Jordan’s Hall of Fame induction speech. Where the greatest meme of all-time started.
2011 -- U.S. special forces go full Ninja Gaiden on Osama bin Laden. Americans rejoice.
2016 -- The 2016 Presidential Election. Someone’s getting crying MJ’d on Nov. 8.
What are some other crying MJ-worthy moments in this great nation's history?
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