8 USC offensive linemen got stuck in an elevator, somebody farted and they made a rap song

Life could not be any better for USC’s Zach Banner. He’s playing lineman for the Trojans and is already self-aware of the privilege he his been given, both on the field and out of it; it’s all about making those connections for the workplace and the world in general. He understands that so well that he’s confident in tweeting out that sentiment. What’s funny about this is that the 22-year old from Lakewood, WA paints a vivid albeit one-dimensional perspective that’s almost reminiscent of the start of a horror film.

Fittingly, what happened next would cause nightmares. Banner and seven other linemen got suck in the elevator. From the start, this already looked to be a terrifying scenario; Banner is already sweating. He knows he’s in for a long ride:

I’d be instantaneously pouring buckets of sweat if I knew that the elevator I’m currently on filled with some of the biggest human beings isn’t moving anytime soon. You run the risk of oxygen running out fast. Plus there’s the added grimace knowing that things are going to get musky up in there - and fast. BO in small places spells trouble for everyone. But it can’t get much worse, right?

Oh, look the fire department just showed up. They’re saved! At least the linemen have a a small opening where they can grab some extra air because it’s already 30 to 45 minutes in and the elevator is starting to resemble a sauna. Also, the team has had snacks this entire time so they won’t starve to death or anything like that, preventing anyone from resorting to cannibalism.

Cue Charlie Murphy in “True Hollywood Stories” from Chappelle’s Show: “Wrong. Wrong!” They’re not eating each other yet, but the situation hasn’t changed much since Banner’s last video Twitter update. it’s starting to look more like a sauna. Every second he has in face in the camera, I’m waiting for the surrounding area to fog up to the point where Banner looks like a faint silhouette in an eerie novel probably taking place in Victorian England.

Plus he and his teammate are already saying their goodbyes. This is conjuring up some isolationist tones straight out of 127 Hours. STAY STRONG! You’re drenched in sweat but keep cool!

As if BO wasn’t a terrible thing to smell when you’re in what’s essentially a small closet with already-sweating athletes, someone just farted. Well, there goes whatever good air was left. Shame on you and your flatulent tendencies, whoever it was. You may have just ruined their chances at escaping.

EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS. These men aren’t going to make it out on time. With air supply low, morale dwindling and phones losing their charge, they might as well start fighting for whatever control there is in that elevator. But in that moment, something amazing happens. They team doesn’t break apart. On the contrary! They’re joining together to give the Internet what could possible be the world’s first elevator rap composed entirely by a collegiate football team.

And with the little hope they had left, they managed to survive just a little while longer. Success!