I graded every candy trade kids told me about on Halloween

There were big moves on Halloween as thousands of trades were completed across the country on Tuesday night. Naturally, we’re talking about candy deals being brokered by children in an effort to secure the services of sugar that can better help their bucket.

I asked every group of kids that knocked on my door if they made any big deals — now I’m grading them.

This is a really tough trade to judge from the jump. At the time the deal was completed, Spider-Man received just four Sweet Tarts. Full-size Snickers is a proven talent with a lot of value on the open market, and I can’t help but feel like Spider-Man could have waited until the end of the night to know what kind of value he was getting here. It really depends on the future depth of other houses and the offering. I could see this paying off big, but only if there were a lot of Sweet Tarts offered later in the night.

Spider-Man: C-
Master Chief: B+

Horrible trade by Iron Man who really got taken to the cleaners. Moana clearly knew Almond Joy was having issues with the front office and got big-time talent at a bargain price. Skittles are overrated, with a track record of being good for a short burst and ultimately letting you down.

Moana: A
Iron Man: D

One of the blockbusters of the night. Both sides got talent in return, so it’s really a question of how they help the depth of their respective buckets. If Batman’s haul was already Twix-heavy, then the Reese’s really help the candy diversity round out the haul, but I could also see this being Batman playing the long game to acquire assets for future trades. I love that Superman got three Twix. A really overlooked candy on Halloween that is always reliable.

Superman: A
Batman: A-

Classic Halloween trade of chocolate for fruit candy here. We see these deals go down at every Oct. 31 deadline. No stars changing hands on either side, so this is a tougher trade to judge. The biggest name is the peppermint patty, but even then it’s not a candy that will be high on the depth chart. Ultimately I think the depth pieces in this trade are really what determine the winner, and Starburst are unquestionably better than Tootsie Rolls.

Witch: B+
Ariel: B

Absolutely the saddest trade of the night. Two kids, barely 5 years old had to barter over the fruit they were given. I overheard Catboy say “I don’t like apples,” to which Ash replied “I like them OK.” Glad this worked out for both sides in an otherwise heartbreaking scene. Not judging the fruit. Just sad it happened to these kids.

Catboy: B
Ash: B

Interesting deal that feels a little bit like neither side really knew what they were looking for. This trade hinges on the flavors of the Airhead and Blow Pop and without that info, it makes it tough to judge (I felt like it was too much to ask the flavors). Both candies have huge variances on whether they’d be good or not, so I have to trust both sides on getting decent flavor representation. I like Airheads a little more, but it’s close.

Mario: B-
Katniss: B

Weirdest trade of the night — hands down. Acquiring two full-size bars in a night is an incredible haul, but the fidget spinner is mystifying. Was someone handing out fidget spinners? Did Captain America trade away an old, used fidget spinner? Are we talking a $10 spinner, or a $3 Walmart one? Really weird deal. It comes down to a question of permanence vs. fleeting pleasure. This is complicated by the fact that fidget spinners are really on the back end of their career and will likely be replaced in next year’s fad draft.

Iron Man: C+
Captain America: B+

A really sweet deal. That wasn’t an evaluation — this was a deal for two pieces of candy that are excessively sweet. From a pure quality standpoint, I think this deal is on par, but I saw this deal after seeing how much Skittles could bring on the open market. I love this trade if Lego Batgirl plans to flip the full-size Skittles later in the night for future candy considerations, and dislike it for both sides if each party chooses to eat the candy.

Wonder Woman: C-
Lego Batgirl: B+ (If she trades the Skittles later)

WE GOT OURSELVES A TOOTSIE TRADE FOLKS! I like the deal by Kevin to get one pop, but think he might have given up a little too much. Essentially this deal is saying: The candy element of a Tootsie pop is worth four Tootsie rolls, because the inside of a pop is the fifth roll. I just don’t know about the economics on this one. Both pieces of candy hold pretty low value, so it’s not like this deal really hurts either side — I just think it could have been negotiated a little better.

Kevin the Minion: B-
Mel the Minion: B

Oh no, baby (Groot)! What is you doin’??? Hate hate hate this trade. The only justification I have is that Baby Groot has a peanut allergy, and if that’s the case then Kylo Ren should be ashamed to take advantage like this. Hersey’s Cookies & Cream is 90 percent white chocolate, and is trash. Reese’s are Reese’s. I hate this deal.

Baby Groot: F
Kylo Ren: A+

Straight cash deal. Evie took advantage of timing. Fifty cents can ultimately buy more than a fun-size Snickers, but with no market in the neighborhood there’s not an outlet for the money. It wasn’t a rout, but Evie got the better end of this deal for sure.

Evil Evie: A
Spider-Man: B

In the end, I have to give this to Kylo for completing the most lopsided deal of the evening. There had to be a backstory here that allowed him to fleece Baby Groot like that, and I almost feel bad. Ren had to know there was a bigger market for those Reese’s cups, and still took Groot to the cleaners.

Hate to see kids stuck with fruit like this. They made the best of a bad situation, but their breath and effort shouldn’t have been wasted trying to work out which fruit they like slightly more.

I love the future potential of a full-size bag of Skittles. Late in the night when desperation sets in, this could have fetched a serious haul on the open market. Got the candy at a pretty low price and a huge chance to flip down the line. Love it.