There is absolutely nothing good or right with this new creation from McDonald’s.
This McDonald’s french fry fork is infuriatingly stupid
It’s made out of fries and nothing in the world is right anymore.
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
The fast-food promotion is one of the greatest cultural gifts America gave the world. Most of us don’t get to experience what seasonal produce some chef named Serge is offering at a Michelin-starred restaurant, but darn it if I can’t go to Hardee’s and eat a burger with some weird boneless ribs on it that were marketed on Shark Tank (yes, this is a thing).
These limited-time offers are where fast food gets weird, and when fast food gets weird, it gets fun. There are a couple of basic rules for running a good promotion.
- Did you cram more crap on your food?
- Why didn’t you cram more crap on your food?
That’s it. It’s simple. What McDonald’s has done with this whole “frork” fiasco is asked me to change my eating habits. It makes no damn sense. This is the veil being pulled off corporate America. Some dude in a $5,000 suit named “Todd,” probably with a “Jr.” or “III” on the end of his name, was looking for brownie points by saying: “You know, I think America wants an edible fork.”
NO I DON’T WANT A DAMN EDIBLE FORK, TODD. I WANT TO CRAM THE FOOD INTO MY MOUTH CHUTE WITH MY UNWASHED HANDS BEFORE BLOWING MY NOSE ON THE GREASE-COVERED BAG AND SHAMEFULLY REALIZING I FINISHED AN ENTIRE MEAL AT A STOP LIGHT AND THEN SEEING THAT THE PERSON IN THE CAR NEXT TO ME VIDEO’D ALL THIS. THAT’S WHAT I WANT, TODD.
The frork appeals to a very limited part of the fast food Venn diagram, all of whom are idiots. It’s people who want to keep their hands clean while eating, but also who want to get grease all over their fingers while they cram greasy fries into a fork-shaped holder.
GOD, TODD, I SWEAR I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
They even released an infomercial about these things.
Look, I know what you’re thinking: This is all a tongue-in-cheek joke. I don’t care that it’s a joke. Time and effort were wasted on the frork that could have been used working out how to give me portable poutine at fast-food prices.
“A limited supply of Frorks will be available with the purchase of a Signature Crafted Recipes sandwich on May 5 at participating restaurants. These sandwiches sell for between $4.99 and $5.19.”
Gosh wow. I really couldn’t have worked out this was going to be a limited supply. You mean to tell me that this trash idea created by an idiot named Todd (probably) is only going to be a small test? Wow — couldn’t have worked that one out.
And you know the part that really annoys me. There’s going to be someone out there who calls themselves a “fast food historian” who’s going to line up on May 5 and try to get a frork.
I have such a high tolerance for bad promotions, but goodness if this doesn’t make me mad. I’m just going to try to forget this happened, ignore the frork ads, and wistfully lose myself in the Pizza Hut “Priazzo” ad when they tried to make deep dish pizza in the ’80s.
P.S. Still hate you, Todd.
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