A commercial for a new Visa card in Latvia has given us one of the most confusing, bizarre, awe-inspiring pieces of video ever to star Kristaps Porzingis. Pour yourself a stiff drink for this one, because you’re going to need it:
Kristaps Porzingis is being groped by a giant honey-soaked arm in this Latvian Visa commercial
Brace yourselves for this.
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
It opens with an uncomfortably long arm extending through the clouds and reaching out to us. The arm is covered in an extremely long sleeve, the maker of which we’re never introduced to. Conceivably, it’s from a God-like tailor of unimaginable skill in the arts of tensile strength and textile flexibility:
The arm swims with dolphins and strokes a vintage car before making its way to a very good dog alone in a field:
There are no clouds in this world. Humans have no deign to build in the pupper’s realm. It is alone, waiting to be touched by human hands and is sadly met with a hellish nightmare arm.
The arm then plunges itself into a viscous, semi-transparent goo. Is it gravy? Honey? Some sort of delight mankind has not yet dared to invent? We just don’t know:
After slapping a giant cube of jello, the arm completes its journey by snaking its way inside Kristaps’ clothing and embracing his head with its misshapen honey hand:
Porzingis seems remarkably OK with the whole thing, given the situation, and finally after 24 seconds, we’re clued in on what product we should be buying:
A VISA CARD?!
What do giant arms, bowls of honey, dogs, and sensual touching have to do with a bank card? Why is Kristaps in this? Are freakishly long arms a fetish I haven’t heard about? These aren’t rhetorical questions ... I need answers.
Perhaps those words “Jā? Jā! Tev Patīk” will give us the information we so desperately seek:
No, we do not like. We do not like at all.
