Rocky the Mountain Lion is the Nuggets’ mascot and the night before Valentine’s Day he was horny AF and tried to cheat on his mascot wife — or something. Look, I don’t get the fiction the Nuggets were going for, but feast your eyes on this:
Rocky, the Nuggets’ mascot, tried to cheat on his wife on Valentine’s Day
This was just weird.
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
Only way we can really break down this madness is step by step.
- Rocky spots a woman he’s interested in.
- Rocky offers her a stuffed animal.
- She rejects his advances.
- Rocky refuses to take no for an answer, like an ass.
- Rocky offers her a larger stuffed animal.
- She rejects his advances.
- Rocky gets angry and storms off.
- Rocky returns with a GIANT stuffed animal and smothers her.
- Mrs. Rocky notices what her husband is doing.
- Rocky insists it’s not what it looks like.
- Mrs. Rocky yells at him, and hits him.
- They walk out, as Rocky is pushing his child in a stroller.
WHAT IS THE STORY HERE?!
Inside the Rocky the Mountain Lion metaverse, we’re led to believe he’s a horrible, horny dad who abandoned his child and wasted his family’s mascot income on stuffed animals for a woman who had no interest in him.
What is a stuffed animal to a mascot? Is it like a fetus? A bizarre effigy? All I know for sure is Rocky was a not a good father or husband the day before Valentine’s Day. They deserve better.
