This redditor did the math and found a hilarious Damian Lillard lip-licking stat

Damian Lillard probably has a lot of off-season goals, but one of them should definitely be buying some ChapStick. A weird and wonderful thread on r/nba explored Lillard’s propensity for lip-licking, and the results are astonishing.

The poster watcher purportedly watched hours of Lillard footage to try and determine how often Dame licks his lips. It turns out that on average he licks his lips every 15 seconds, for an amazing 188.16 licks per game.

That works out to a licks-per-minute rating (LPM) of 3.92.

Lillard is a lip-licker, that has been established. Now, there are two paths you can go down considering this evidence.

Now, I’m not here to yuck your yum over which side you belong to. I am intrinsically a coward, and that innate trait has led me to fear the possibility of lizard people if they do in fact control world governments.

What I’m saying here is that if lizard people are real and take over the world I want to be on the right side of history so they spare me.

That said, I’m much more inclined to believe that Lillard has a lip moistness problem and it needs to be remedied. We’re not in the cold months yet, but winter is coming and lips will be cracked.

I’ll hedge this claim by saying I have never been to Portland, but based on what I know from hearsay and TV I’m led to believe the city’s artisanal qualities means that Lillard does not need to settle for a $2 lip balm in the end cap of a grocery store checkout. I’m sure he has access to lip balms the likes of which we’ve never heard of. Stuff made out of albatross wing oil, unicorn farts and wax harvested from bees that watch reruns of Frasier.

Then go ahead and buy this painting of Damian Lizard.