Your Friend Texts You Updates From Last Night’s Yankees-Rangers Game

Hey im here at arlington cemetary

Whoops i meant arlington stadium. Stupid autocorrect

Im sure it ll be like a cemetery on account of the yankees will kill the rangers and they will die and be dead

Not really i dont really want anyone to die, just get beat & lose

Yankee tradition

We play with tradition and passion every time we put the uniform on

Im here with my buddy schmo. You remember schmo from when we used to work at ponderosa? He was the one who listened to dave matthews band and prepped everything by just microwaving it

Wanted everyone to call him “king of the grill”

Anyway schmo an me screen printed some shirts that say “rangers equals strangers.” We re wearing them now

I wanted to make them say “rangers equals no danger” but we got in a fight about it and i lost. Back of my knee got skinned up some how. [Expletive] it i am a true champion. Winning yankee tradition

Crap rangers are up 5-0

Doesnt matter the yankees have what it takes to win. You just watch. Derek jeter will find a way to win he always does

Thats what makes the yankees different from other teams. if other teams are losing theyre just like “doy who cares if we lose, my team has no pride or tradition”

Pride of the yankees

Hell yeah yankees comin back, what did i tell you

I knew they would come back. Partly because im a genius an partly because the yankees winning tradition and heart

Aw [expletive]

We got kicked out of the stadium. Schmo an me were trying to make a beer bong and they told us to leave. Nazis

Schmo called them fascists. There was a guy near us wearing a che guevara shirt but he wouldnt even help us

Poser

Guy outside says yankees won

Winning tradition yankees

Hey can you look up the consituton on the internet an see if theres an amedment against making beer bongs in a stadium when you arent even hurting anybody

Yannnnnnnnnnkeeeees