The Houston Astros have been making headlines all season by being super, super bad at baseball. Those aren't the types of headlines you would call "awesome" if you're an Astros fan (or an Astro, I guess). The team has also been performing some historically abysmal offense that --luckily for us -- has been exceedingly GIF-worthy. On Saturday, this lousy team was at it again.
Astros Gonna Astro
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
Just like they drew it up!
Step 1: Swinging bunt
Step 2: Catcher and pitcher converge at agreed-upon midway point between mound and home
Step 3: RARGH CATCHER SHOULDER BLOCK
Step 4: Fun pitcher commando roll
Step 5: Noodle-armed barrel-roll toss to first
Step 6: First basemen has already been thinking about quitting the baseball racket since Step 2
Step 7: Look up local restaurants on Yelp
Part of the problem here is the Astros, because "LOL ASTROS" now and forever. But another part of the problem is that catcher Jason Castro has to compulsively steamroll anyone who gets in front of him. It's sort of his "thing." Pitchers, clubhouse managers, first dates -- he just mows 'em all down.
Perhaps the best part of all of this (other than every part of this) is that the pitcher's name is Fernando Abad. A bad. One of the starting pitchers for the 2012 Houston Astros is literally a bad. Also a bad? The rest of the players on the Houston Astros. Except for you, Jose Altuve. Our sweet, sweet Altuve. You deserve much better than this.
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