From Yahoo!:
Date Josh Collmenter
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The Arizona Diamondbacks’ reliever, he of the 11 o’clock arm slot, new curveball grip, 0.00 spring ERA, and love of bearskin rugs and poetry recitations, assented to a contest loosely titled Win a Date with Josh Collmenter, sponsored by The Daily Telegraph in Sydney, Australia.
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Collmenter will conduct his blind date, culled from Twitter and Instagram submissions and chosen by a panel of Diamondbacks.
The article includes this passage:
“Josh likes long walks on Bondi Beach, reading poetry on a bear rug in front of the fireplace and tall, athletic women whose offspring will likely result in a college scholarship.”
Huh. I’m pretty sure the romantic-description-for-dating thing is played out for ballplayers. This is, what, the fifth time we’ve seen one of these?
A look back at the players’ dating descriptions that predated Collmenter’s:
Nick Swisher
NICK ENJOYS BEIN NICK, GRIPPIN AND RIPPIN BABY YOU KNOW? NICK WANTS TO PARTY, BUT HE’S NOT AFRAIT TO CALL YOU AND SAY WHAT’S UP ON THE ROAD, EVEN IF THE GUYS ARE RUFFLING HIS CHEESE ABOUT IT. I’LL TOTALY WALK ON BEACHES FOR YOU TO IF YOUR INTO IT NICK WILL BE GOOD TO YOU IF YOULL LET HIM JUST BE NICK BABY
Eric Sogard
Eric likes walks on the beach, fine wine, and rolling for initiative. If he asks you a question about spreadsheets, it probably isn’t a come on! Though it might be. So watch out for that.Hunter Pence
Hunter likes the soft breath of an Aslçx on his fora, the sad wail of a ronderbat as the moons appear in the sky, and walks on the beach.
Steve Garvey
Steve likes feeling the temporary feeling of safety in another woman’s arms, the fleeting rush, a self-loathing acknowledgment of the pain he’s causing that somehow dissolves into a purer form of carnality, something that transcends the simple libido of a dumb animal and becomes something intricate, a makeshift daub for the chasm of insecurity that will never be completely bridged. Steve also likes walks on the beach and doin’ it all night.
Good luck in your quest for true love, our hatchet-throwing prince. Possible conversation starters: how toilet water circles the drain and walks on the beach.
