4 things we learned from ESPN’s Alex Rodriguez profile

Alex Rodriguez has always been complicated, even if the takes on him tend to be more black and white. This massive feature from ESPN The Magazine attempts to fill in some of that grey area, though, chronicling Alex Rodriguez’s year off from baseball and his journey to return to the game that suspended him.

It’s the kind of piece where, whether you love, hate or are ambivalent about A-Rod, you should read it just to better understand him and his situation. You might not be moved by it, in the sense you still loathe him, but at the least you’ll know who it is you detest, how he became that person and what he has done to attempt to be someone else. Here are a few key takeaways from the piece, which again, you should put some time aside for.

Rodriguez spent much of his 2014 trying to better educate himself. Books, lectures, and even classes at the University of Miami, all in an attempt to become a better A-Rod, a different A-Rod, than the one who ended up suspended in the first place. Participating in college life when he had the time -- the first time in his life this was the case -- was part of that:

Should he tell them that he wanted more than anything to follow all his high school friends to Gainesville or Tallahassee or Coral Gables, but he was the first pick in the 1993 draft and the money he stood to make was the salvation of his mother and his two half-siblings, Joe and Suzy? ... Should he tell them that college represents normalcy, and serenity, that college is the place with all the answers?

Rodriguez finally quit fighting Major League Baseball when he realized he was just ruining his life and his legacy. He’s concerned about how people view and will view him, but it’s not entirely a selfish concern: A-Rod realizes he needs to get that same life in order before his daughters, Ella and Nataha, have to deal with the fallout of a figure like A-Rod as their father.

Natasha is the older of the two, so A-Rod is concerned with her becoming aware of what’s awry in his life. So, a thread that persists throughout 2014 is trusting Natasha with some of dad’s secrets and struggles as he attempts to better himself.

One day, sitting with Dr. David, he makes a list. Five ways to become a better person. He roughs it out on a piece of scratch paper, then types it up back home in Miami, then prints it out, then cuts it into a perfect square, then laminates it, then slides it into his black billfold, and every morning before shaving he takes it out and spends a few minutes really thinking about what it says. It’s a searingly personal list ... He’s shown his laminated wallet list to only three people. One of them is Natasha.

He’s hurt by -- but also seems to understand why -- the fact that no one can take him at his word any longer, and that only his actions can redeem him from here on out. He might not have been aware of it when 2014 kicked off, but when even his close friends tell him what he says means nothing, it’s hard to avoid the truth of the matter for long.

He looks hopeful, sounds hopeful, and while there’s something stirring about such hope in the face of so much hate, it also seems uncharitable to continue hating in the face of such hope. When asked how it all sounds to her ears, however, his friend frowns. Total bullshit, she says.

Rodriguez considered ending his career during the suspension, but one thing pushed him to work back towards baseball and not just a better personal life. The man still lives and breathes baseball -- even if the sport wants him to choke on it -- and it’s not time to say goodbye yet. Not when he could still have a moment of greatness left.

No, no, he can’t walk away from baseball, not yet, his love for the game is too strong. And he still has plenty of game left, he believes. He knows that if he can rehab his hip, get his mind right, he could be great again. Maybe only for a season, or half a season, or a game, but still -- to be great again. He owes that to the fans, the game, his team.

It’s a lengthy, personal, complicated piece, but A-Rod’s story is all of those things and takes time to tell. You might not like him any more when you finish reading it, but you will at least understand him, and it’s going to take understanding to fully process who he was, who he is, and who he hopes to be before his Baseball career comes to an end.