Categorizing the players who are the only All-Star representative for their team

In 1984, my family had tickets to the All-Star Game at Candlestick Park. We bundled up, packed some sandwiches, got there early, trudged to our seats at the very back of the outfield in the upper deck, and went into cryogenic stasis for the next five hours. Even though I came down with a slight case of frostbite of the soul, it was worth it.

We saved our loudest cheers for the introductions, when Bob Brenly and Chili Davis were introduced. Those were our guys. And while they were both deserving, and while neither of them were coasting on the every-team-gets-an-All-Star rule, the experience always stuck with me. My favorite team was lousy, but those were my favorite players on that lousy team, and it was my right as a fan to cheer them on. Lousy teams are people, too.

This was a formative experience in my belief that every team should have an All-Star. That, and the Warriors not having a single All-Star from 1997 to 2013. WHO’S LAUGHING ABOUT THAT NOW? LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN YOU ANSWER THAT. WHO’S LA

Anywho, being for the every-team-gets-one rule is one thing. But making an argument for a random reliever gets a little harder. You have to stretch just a little harder to pretend you’re excited.

Just a day left if you want to secure your memories of the 2011 All-Star Game. Tick tock. Tick tock.

So our job today is to sort all of the every-team-gets-an-All-Star All-Stars. These are the lone All-Star selections for their respective teams, and we’re going to see if they’re obvious choices or Derrick Turnbow specials. It’s the 10th anniversary of the Turnbow selection, you know.

Never forget. And he might not have been the least deserving All-Star in 2006, considering the American League had Mark Redman. There have been times when the one-player-per-team rule worked less elegantly than others.

To the categories!

These aren’t gifts given to teams without another deserving All-Star. These are all former All-Stars, current All-Stars and future All-Stars. Out of this bunch, I’m expecting at least three or four Hall of Famers. There is no shame in having any of these players be your lone representative.

Also of note: The Cardinals have only one freaking All-Star. I get that they’re just a handful of games over .500, but the list of snubs runs deep. Stephen Piscotty, Carlos Martinez, Aledmys Diaz and Seung-hwan Oh, to name a few. Feels like I’m forgetting someone, but no matter, that’s a deep list of talent for a team sending only one player.

This is the part of the article where I ignore the history that suggests a half-dozen players will drop out because of injuries, which will free up some spots for other deserving All-Stars.

These are the players that need no apologies, who are there because they’re consistently one of the best parts of the summer in their respective cities, even if the fans of 29 other teams don’t quite understand it.

First off, the Pirates were hosed. Absolutely hosed. Did you pick up on the fact that the Cubs have as many All-Stars starting in the infield as the rest of the NL Central has on the roster combined? I get it, it’s a marketing ploy of pure democracy and the other four teams have fans with computers, too, but here’s the fallout. Either Gregory Polanco or Starling Marte should have been chosen, and it’s an absolute shame that they weren’t. At least Melancon has been excellent for four straight years. If you’re going to take a reliever to fill the spot, at least make it an entrenched, long-term reliever who’s still popular.

As for Vogt, he hasn’t been better than Marcus Semien this season, but he’s been one of the better catchers in the AL, second only to Salvador Perez in WAR. That counts, and so does the fact that A’s fans love him. He’s a bobblehead player — defined as a player who gets his face plastered on ballpark giveaways — and has been for a couple years. An A’s fan in San Diego is proud and thrilled to watch Vogt in the All-Star Game. No shame, no apologies.

These are the players who are expected to be a part of their franchise for years. In theory. Looking at you, Julio Teheran, future Red Sock.

Duvall is something of a curious choice, because while he’s hitting dingers all over the place, he’s also sporting a .290 OBP and scary peripherals. That written, he’s still someone Reds fans can get excited about, a bright spot in a bleak season. The 27-year-old was never a highly touted prospect, and look at him now.

Teheran is pretty much the only thing that’s gone right for the Braves, so he was an obvious pick. Myers is deserving, and he’s a possible franchise cornerstone, one of the only positive things to come out of the Offseason of Padres-Related Calamity.

Herrera has been in a mini-slump since he was atop the NL leaderboard for on-base percentage, but he’s still one of the Phillies’ best and most popular players. He didn’t have to be the pick. Terry Collins or the players could have taken the dreaded Random Reliever All-Star, which usually checks a box off more than it excites anyone. Phillies fans will cheer with pride while Herrera lines up on the base line, where they would have politely applauded Jeanmar Gomez or Hector Neris in the same situation.

It’s not that Alex Colome hasn’t been good. He’s been excellent in his new role as a closer. It’s just that the odds are low that Rays fans will care about him in two years. He’ll either be on another team, or he’ll be in a different role, or he’ll be generally forgotten in some other capacity.

Evan Longoria is having a very nice year, and he’s working on a one-team Hall of Fame career. Even though Logan Forsythe has been excellent again this season, Longoria would have been the kind of selection that made Rays fans tune into the game proudly. Yes, they’re in the middle of a disappointing season that only recently turned into a mushroom cloud, but there’s Evan Longoria, who has defined the franchise for a decade, during the ups and downs, and there he goes, representing the team in the All-Star Game.

Instead, here’s your random reliever. Please buy a baby-poop jersey for $134.

Oh, Twins.

You know, the Twins thought they had a shot this year. Maybe not the best shot. Maybe not enough to be front-runners. But a shot. Enough to look at the roster in March and think, “Maybe. Just maybe.”

Instead, here’s Eduardo Nunez, the only Twins All-Star for the 2016 season.

It’s not that he’s not having a good year. He’s doing fine, even if his success is a little average-dependent. It’s not that the Twins are overflowing with other brilliant candidates. They’re not, although as an All-Star extremist when it comes to weighing a player’s entire career, I would have been fine with Joe Mauer. Brian Dozier would have been a fair compromise, though.

It’s that Nunez is there because he’s hit .316 for three months, and the rules say the Twins need someone. This is not the kind of player who usually gets selected, and Twins fans know it. It’s not the kind of player who is guaranteed to be around for the next chapter of the franchise, and they know that, too. He’s a very nice Swiss Army Knife to have on a team, but he’s also clearly a box that was checked off more than he is a convincing All-Star.

I hereby declare Eduardo Nunez to be the winner of the Mark Redman Memorial All-Star Award. His prize is Mark Redman. Like, if he wants him to hang out and keep him company while he runs errands or something, just give him a ring. Also, ignore that Redman was drafted by the Twins a couple picks before Roy Halladay in the first round of the 1995 Draft, unless you want to be even more irritated.

Still, it’s not a bad showing, and every team has an All-Star. There are only one or two of them that might roll their eyes, and that’s worth it when you consider the kids at the top of the upper deck, or watching at home, hoping to see the player they’ve rooted for all season, appearing on the national stage because he did so well entertaining them. It’s worth it, even if it’s hard to see the use of it from a distance.