The Marlins maybe, sort of, definitely threatened Giancarlo Stanton so he’ll accept a trade

Things are going great for the new ownership group in Miami. It hasn’t exactly been endearing themselves to the staff or fanbase since it’s been in place (not calling Giancarlo Stanton when it first bought the team and then possibly calling him by the wrong name, firing valued front office employees via proxy, showing its cards way too soon with the Stanton trade, etc.) but this might take the cake.

According to the Miami Herald, ownership all but threatened if for some reason he doesn’t accept a trade, he’ll end up on a team that has been stripped of all its other valuable players, therefore limited in its success.

This is a bad ultimatum in so many ways. Learn how to threaten people, y’all.

Firstly, there’s no sign that Stanton has indicated he won’t reject all trades. There are three teams publicly in on Stanton (and up to six when you count those in discussions privately,) and it’s fair to expect he’ll do his research when it comes to where he would feel most comfortable, since he’s going to get paid the same no matter where he goes. Give him like five seconds to figure that out, alright Marlins?

Secondly, a threat is supposed to actually be scary. But being on shitty teams that can’t win and have minimal talent beside his skills is literally the situation Stanton’s been in his entire career. So the whole “you’ll be on a bad team!” song and dance isn’t so much an ultimatum as it is just reiterating what he already knows. What geniuses.

Thirdly, how does this ownership group keep putting its foot in its mouth so frequently when it’s only actually owned the team for like two days. Chill out! Here’s a hint: if you don’t know the best thing to say or do in a situation, maybe wait a beat and seek advice before you go blabbing all over the place.

Following absolutely any of the above advice would be smart, since this is turning into a comedy of errors in Miami which is exactly what the fanbase was NOT hoping for.

But for the rest of us, “Derek Jeter: Floundering Owner” continues to be hilarious. So for our sake, keep it up.