Chrissy Teigen wants to own a team, so let’s figure out which one she should buy

After Derek Jeter reportedly sealed the deal to be a part-owner of the Miami Marlins on Friday, many people probably thought “hey that seems cool, I could definitely run a baseball team.” Chrissy Teigen, because she usually doesn’t think things without tweeting them (in a good way!), tweeted that she too would like to own a team.

Of course, as is also usually the case with Chrissy, this was mostly tongue in cheek. She doesn’t have “team buying money” because realistically how many people do? Not many.

Which is fine, because even though she might not have team buying money at the top levels of each league, that doesn’t mean she can’t accomplish her dreams of owning a team one day. That’s what the minor leagues are for.

To narrow her options down we’ll see what minor league baseball teams are available right now that could be suitable, mostly because this is a baseball site so that makes sense to focus on. But also because Teigen is already interested in “Mike Trout things.”

So we’ll have some fun, see what’s on the market, and maybe find Chrissy a new hobby in the meantime. All details are courtesy of The Sports Advisory Group and are anonymously listed because that’s how rich people do things.

First up...

Mid-Atlantic Region–Single A Team for Sale. Unique turnaround situation with long-established franchise located within 90 minutes of Baltimore and D.C. This team may be a candidate for a new stadium in its own market or a potential relocation. Very strong Major league affiliation. Asking price is $8.5 million.

“Unique turnaround situation” is probably not what you want; that’s like saying a house is a “fixer-upper with good bones.” You’re not fooling anyone. Plus, $8.5 million is pretty steep for Chrissy as a first time owner. Next!

Ownership Opportunity in Portfolio of Affiliated Top Tier Minor League Baseball Franchises…A top tier MiLB Ownership group is seeking new partners in its Minor League Baseball investment fund. Partners will immediately own a share of two MiLB franchises (Triple-A, Single-A) with equity proceeds used to fund new team acquisitions. The current investor group is highly experienced, having a completed a successful relocation and stadium development and is eager to partner with new investors to build the portfolio. We believe this is a rare opportunity to partner alongside a highly respected team at an affordable value (the fund is currently accepting investments in $500k increments).

Two franchises at once is a lot to handle; again, let’s let Chrissy ease herself into what will probably be a long and lucrative ownership career here. Baby steps though. Next!

MiLB Single-A Ownership Opportunity – Northeastern U.S. Strong MLB affiliation. Excellent potential for future opportunities. Buyers must be well-qualified and meet MiLB ownership requirements.

What are we counting as “well-qualified” and “meeting requirements” for this? Does model, author, and good-at-Snapchat count? No? Probably best to pass here then. Next!

A Top AA Baseball Team. | Rare opportunity to own one of the most recognizable, respected, and successful AA Minor League Baseball teams in the United States.

This team seems very top-tier. Either that or the listing is talking it up too much and it’s not as good as it’s cracked up to be. Plus, there’s no price range listed in the details which seems like a real “if you need to ask you can’t afford it” sitch. Probably best to let someone else take this one. Next!

MIDWEST – Independent Professional Baseball! Franchise plays in a historic stadium in one of the top leagues. Priced at $1.25 million.

This is the most promising so far! A reasonable price tag and it’s an independent team so Chrissy could go full Amanda Peet in Brockmire if she opened the checkbook for this one. With her cooking skills she could transform the concessions and modernize things with her eye for fashion and design. However, she doesn’t scream “Midwest lifestyle” at this point in her career so maybe something coastal would be a better option. Next!

Baseball Partnership Opportunities | Active Listing. We presently represent several Minor League and independent baseball teams seeking partners in their highly successful franchises. Investments as low as $100,000 per share are typically available. Strong markets. Well run operations. Solid growth and appreciation potential.

Here it is, a perfect opportunity for someone without caboodles of money but who wants to call themselves a team owner. Chrissy could dip her toe in the water with an investment of less than a million and have a piece of one team at minimum and more if she wants.

You don’t necessarily need “team buying money” to get on the team ownership train, and we think it would make a perfect addition to her Twitter bio.