Justin Verlander wants you to know he did not get diarrhea

Justin Verlander was shoving against the Yankees on Tuesday night, and while the Astros didn’t end up winning that game, still: shoving occurred. Verlander struck out 14 batters and scattered three hits over eight innings before Houston’s bullpen faltered and cost him what would have been a much-deserved W.

Some Yankees’ fans were upset with this performance, enough to wish terrible fates on Verlander:

Don’t worry, though, this wish was not granted. We know thanks to Verlander himself:

I know, I’m relieved, too.