Don’t cross the Phillie Phanatic when he’s manning the hot dog cannon

Welcome to Mound Visits, your weekly recap of the best things you might have missed in baseball every week. This week brings us the a rough June for the Royals, , the Phillie Phanatic inflicting injuries with hot dogs, and Jennifer Lopez adding to her baseball talents portfolio.

Have a favorite moment from the week in baseball? Tweet it at me, and I’ll include it in next week’s column.

Since you’re here reading this column, you probably like baseball. But do you love baseball? Do you love baseball so much that you would puke on the mound and try to play through it if you needed to? Brewers pitcher Adrian Houser loves baseball that much.

He puked not once, but twice while in as relief for Milwaukee this week and later chalked it up to a mix of travel, heat, lack of food, and dehydration. His performance was as impressive as it is gross, as he was able to face five batters and get out of the inning without blowing the lead.

In the month of June, the Royals have had three off days. They’ve also had three ejections during this, the six month of the year. Mike Moustakas was ejected against the Astros, as was Danny Duffy. Alcides Escobar was ejected against the Rangers just a few days ago.

In that same amount of time — this month, as we’ve established — the Royals have won two games.

Two. One less than the amount of off days and ejections they’ve had in the last 21 days. They finish the month with games against the Astros, Angels, Brewers, and Mariners so that win count might not even change. But, uh, at least Kansas City fans will get to go to Omaha, Nebraska to watch a game next year?

Look at this kid. This is a kid who already fits the Major League bill and I’m fully prepared to stan him in the same way I do Vlad Guerrero, Jr. as soon as that time comes.

He and his dad did their awesome secret handshake too. Kind of makes me feel like just playing catch with my dad wasn’t quite cool enough. WHERE’S MY SECRET HANDSHAKE, DAD? HMM?

Some managers understand fans, and give postgame interviews cheekily acknowledging their gripes or concerns. Some managers are like those teachers who seem to hate children. But sometimes managers can be truly men of the people, the voice of those who are yelling unintelligible insults from the stands without being heard.

Andy Green is that person, and he proved it by giving near-universally disliked umpire Joe West a piece of his mind.

[Extremely You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown mood] You’re a good man, Andy Green.

We didn’t need more evidence that Jennifer Lopez is extremely awesome and way more fun than she can sometimes come off when she’s red carpeting it up or posing for bonkers editorial spreads.

But wanting more evidence is a far different story and she came through this week, once again via Alex Rodriguez’s Instagram. Look at that form at the “plate” she’s practically a pro. That’s some “playing street ball with the boys after school is out” talent if I’ve ever seen it. If we didn’t know before we know now: Baseball J Lo is officially the best form of J. Lo.

WANTED: a fuzzy, green, pear-bottomed menace who is injuring unsuspecting fans with duct tape-wrapped hot dogs shot out of a cannon.

REWARD: Hot dogs, probably?

LAST KNOWN LOCATION: Citizens Bank Park, entertaining crowds while he plans his next move.

There are some things you don’t know how much you need them to happen until you’re confronted with the opportunity. Ichiro possibly participating in a home run derby is not one of those situations because the idea of Ichiro hitting dingers alongside much beefier baseball players is something we all have always wanted to happen deep down.

The #IchiForDC campaign started this week, with the “retired” Mariner joking about the conditions under which he could do it (Mark Buerhle pitching, extra cheeseburgers added to his diet). The campaign won’t amount to anything since Ichiro didn’t participate even when he was an active player, but having some fun with his batting practice dingers and pitching appearances is a master stroke by the Mariners.

And with answers like he’s already given, who can complain about getting to ask Ichiro more about it over the next couple of weeks and seeing what happens?

This is one of life’s easiest rules. When life gives you a whole bunch of rain — ruining your original plans — and there’s a tarp or tarp-like material just laying there on the ground, you have some Slip ‘N Slide fun. There’s no other option.

For context, there was so much rain here’s what the tunnels at PNC Park looked like Wednesday night:

And here’s Marcus Hanel seeing an opportunity and going for it:

There was the Astros’ Tony Kemp ...

... AND the Indians’ Rajai Davis cartwheeling out of a HBP.

They could start a player-sponsored tumbling gym at the rate things are going.

Juan Soto made his major league debut on May 20. Then he made it ... again? On ... May 15? During which he was actually ... playing a Double A game for the Nationals’ Harrisburg affiliate?

Who said one of the best teenage talents to find early success after their call up was also allowed to have a very cool time travel-adjacent situation happen in his first few months. Sure, he’s not the only one to do it but it seems rude for one person to be so much fun in my opinion.