Archie Bradley reveals he pooped his pants during a game this season

First things first: since it’s unclear which game Archie Bradley pooped his pants during this season I sure hope that it was a game when the Diamondbacks were wearing their gray uniforms rather than the red shirt-white pants combination. If you’re going to poop your pants before going out to pitch you have to be hoping for at least some sartorial luck.

Bradley admitted this incident happened before he was set to pitch in relief for Arizona this season while gusting on Yahoo Sports’ MLB Podcast. During his podcast appearance, Bradley said he pooped his pants when he was taking a “nervous pee” before he entered the game.

He was very detailed in his storytelling which, hey, to each their own. But someone should tell Bradley that maybe he doesn’t need to be so colorful in describing the step-by-step process of accidentally pooping his pants and trying to clean it up before entering the game. Just for his own sake, mostly. It’s definitely an entertaining — if embarrassing — tale of accidental bowel movements for the rest of us to hear.

Bradley said it was “the most uncomfortable [he’s] ever been on the mound” and hopefully that’s accurate because if there was something more uncomfortable it would honestly be concerning.

You can read the full story below, and imagine his discomfort for yourself. Bradley at least deserves some credit with being so open about this mortifying, and pretty gross, moment.

“I was warming up to go in a game. I knew I had the next hitter. I knew he was on deck. The at-bat was kinda taking a little bit. As a bullpen guy in these big situations, I call ’em nervous pees, where like I don’t have to pee a lot, but I know I have to pee before I go in the game. I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“So it’s a 2-2 count, and I’m like, ‘Man, I have to pee. I have to go pee.’ So I run in our bathroom real quick, I’m ready to go. I’m trying to pee and I actually s–t my pants. Like right before I’m about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh.’ I know I’m a pitch away from going in the game, so I’m scrambling to clean myself up. I get it cleaned up the best I can, button my pants up, and our bullpen coach, Mike Fetters, says, ‘Hey, you’re in the game.’ So I’m jogging into the game to pitch with poop in my pants essentially.

“It was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been on the mound. And I actually had a good inning. I had a clean inning, and I walked in the dugout and I was like, ‘Guys, I just [expletive] myself.’ They didn’t believe me, then the bullpen came in and they’re like, ‘Oh my God, you had to see this.’”