Texts Ur Friend Sent U From Bristol Motor Speedway

Your buddy attended Sunday’s race at Bristol Motor Speedway while you were at home watching on TV. Here are the texts he sent you from the track:

HELLZ yeah baby!!!! BRISTOL!!!! my first time here. we just got 2 the track. why’d you say traffic was gonna be so bad? it wasn’t bad at all!!

wow this place is cool. it looks like the roman colonoscopy!

crap....i meant roman colosseum. stupid auto-correct

HAHAHA guess what we just saw? a dude with a kyle bush shirt on!! people actually LIKE that guy? he sucks!!!

hey man can you check and see what time duke plays today? gotta win my bracket this year to make up for the frickin 250 bucks i just dropped on the motel 6 down the street!!!

remember when we stayed in a motel 6 for like 29 bucks in vegas for jimbo’s bachelor party??? great times!! well until “the incident” of course.

u think jimbo’s still in jail? at least he saved big $$$ by not taking the honeymoon! am i right?

alright time for driver intros! is this the place where they do the songs or whatever?

oh man i can’t wait to boo kyle bush. he sucks so bad. u think he knows how bad he sucks??

LOL get this...kyle bush got on the mic and asked the fans if we could all be friends with him, and i booed the crap out of him and i go “you SUCK kyle!!!” it was awesome

u think he heard me?

DUDE! brian vickers picked that shania twain “i feel like a woman” song. I TOLD you he was gay!!!!!

huh?!?!? what maxim magazine article r u talking about?

so i guess he just likes shania then. well i can get into that. she’s hot, man. yeah vickers!!!!

don’t tell anyone but i have a shania CD in my car

billy ray cyrus just sang the anthem!!! AWESOME! he’s one of the greatest singers of all time. prob second to shania

OK gettin ready for the race to start. man i have like a whole row to myself! i thought u said this place always is a sellout?

green flag! here we go DALE JR!!!!!!!! the MAN!!!

i hope kyle bush doesn’t win. he wont tho, cause he sucks

haha jeff burton totally slowed down on the track and a bunch of cars behind him wrecked. he prob did it on purpose to mess w/the other drivers

i do that on the highway sometimes to see if anyone will run into me. then i could sue em and quit my job. man i hate workin at Speedy Mart

did i ever tell u about the time dale jr came into Speedy Mart? he bought like three packs of crackers. it was awesome! well, i wasn’t actually workin that day, but i heard it was awesome.

crap. kyle bush is winning.

you gotta admit tho. aside from the fact that he SUCKS, kyle bush is actually a pretty good driver. he’s like billy ray cyrus...the 2nd best one out there

what do u mean “who is the best then?” JUNIOR!!!!! duh.

wtf man??? bringing up how long it’s been since jr won is a cheap shot. i don’t keep bringing up how long it’s been since you got laid!

alright. we’ll just agree to disagree then.

this race is comin down to jimmy, kyle bush and carl. man, carl ain’t too bad of a guy. he does backflips. remember when u tried to do a backflip off the beer pong table? HAHAHA

oh yeah, i forgot about the broken arm. my bad. u had that cast on for a long time too, huh?

NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! kyle BUSH is going to WIN if they don’t throw a caution!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! he SUUUUUUUUCKS!!!

damn.

oh well man kyle bush won. awesome burnout, too. he’s a pretty badass driver. he did his bow or whatever...actually kinda cool

ok FINE. ur an ass for making me admit it...but...YES i cheered when he did his bow. there i said it. if you cant beat em join em, right?

dude just don’t tell anyone, ok? and keep the shania twain cd thing secret, too