There’s a new movie out in theaters called The Social Network. You may have heard of it?
The Summer Of LeBron James, As Explained By The Social Network
There’s also a team in Miami called the Heat, with this player called LeBron James.
No doubt, you've been unable to escape either one for the past few months, and with the Heat finally on the basketball court and Social Network in theaters everywhere, the hype is hitting a new apex every day. So why not try to explain one using the other? The movie uses broad strokes with its characters--as noted in my reaction piece over here--so why not apply those broad strokes to other people that have been victimized by casual generalizations and demonization?
The Winklevoss Brothers are The New York Knicks. The same way Harvard’s “Winklevii” were counting on Mark Zuckerberg to make their dreams become reality, the Knicks pinned the hopes of their franchise on LeBron James. They ignored writing on the wall which made it obvious they were being bamboozled, and through it all, they exhibited a sense of entitlement that makes it impossible for anyone to feel sorry for them in hindsight. In the end, the Winklevoss twins got $65 million from Facebook’s billions, and the Knicks got Amare Stoudemire, both of which were generous considering the circumstances.
The Random Asian Groupie is Chris Bosh. About halfway through the movie, one of Facebook’s co-founders begins dating a mysterious Asian groupie. She adds nothing of value, and she later starts a fire in his apartment. This breaks the first rule of celebrity, obviously: Never date a groupie. The second rule: Never fool yourself into thinking that Chris Bosh’s presence will single-handedly anchor the post on offense and defense. But that’ll be borne out as we go forward.
The Harvard Final Clubs are the NBA Finals. And LeBron can’t get in without help.
Sean Parker is Dwyane Wade. They’ve both been to the top, and they’ve tumbled all the way to the bottom. But they’ve been to the top... For that alone, both Wade and Sean Parker can offer endless counsel to the respective pupils they’re entertaining: LeBron and Zuckerburg. It’s hard to get a word in with these prodigy types, but to Wade and Parker, the young guys give their undivided attention. Plus, Wade and Parker both dress like idiots.
Peter Thiel is Pat Riley. The first big investment in Facebook came from Thiel, and he guaranteed Zuckerberg sovereignty over Facebook’s domain and long-term direction. This is pretty much exactly what happened with Pat Riley and LeBron James.
Rashida Jones the Random Lawyer is Maverick Carter. Why do these characters exist?
Erica Albright is America. Mark Zuckerburg had his heart broken by Erica, so he did something to get her attention. LeBron was embarrassed by his continued failure in the NBA playoffs, so he did something to get our attention and validate his status as the league’s preeminent superstar. But no matter what Zuckerburg did, he could never win back Erica’s favor. And LeBron James with America... We’ll see.
MySpace is Delonte West. Completely unrelated. But isn’t Delonte West MySpace??
Divya Narena is Dan Gilbert. A partner of the Winklevoss brothers--whom Zuckerburg duped, and whose idea he adapted into Facebook--Divya is particularly zealous about exacting justice against Zuckerburg. At one point he says, “I want to cut his head off.” Settle down, bro.
Eduardo Saverin is Cleveland Fans. You thought this was a partnership? You thought wrong. It was LeBron’s talent that made Cleveland relevant, and it was Zuckerburg’s vision that allowed Saverin to have a role in Facebook at all. So what if they were best friends and LeBron grew up in Cleveland? A million dollars isn’t cool; you know what’s cool? Having no friends and a billion dollars, far away from the critics calling you a soulless traitor. Lebron can’t hear you, Cleveland. He’s having an orgy with D-Wade and P-Diddy in the VIP Section of an invisible nightclub, on an island that only billionaires know about. Zuckerburg’s in the next room eating grilled unicorn.
Mark Zuckerburg is LeBron James. Obviously. Precocious since high school, on top of the world by 21. Polarizing in all directions, but seemingly devoid of human qualities. An alleged traitor that allowed his grandiose ambitions to render previous loyalties irrelevant. Depending on who you talk to, he might be the devil. While their genius is undeniable, tangible results (revenue, championships) remain elusive.
LeBron is Zuckerburg, Zuckerburg is LeBron. Obviously.
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