Can Midnight Madness Work In The NBA? The Wizards Got The Ball Rolling...

In case you didn’t hear—and because you almost certainly didn’t—my Washington Wizards held the NBA’s first-ever Midnight Madness last night in Farifax, Virginia.

Crazy? Overly ambitious? Slightly awkward? Creative attempt to win over fans?

It was all of these things. But that’s how all of the best ideas start. Personally, I’m just grateful that people showed up. Sure, the whole event only drew about 3,500 people, many of whom were George Mason students, but hey. At least they got that many!

You can’t have Midnight Madness without fans, so thank God the Wizards at least passed that test. Beyond that, there were a lot of pluses and minuses. Some related to the Wizards, specifically, some related to the event itself, and some with the concept, in general. We’ll run through ‘em all this morning, and in honor of JaVale McGee, we’ll do it with a complicated rating system that consists of the “shoutout” and the “anti-shoutout,” a concept that Epic Vale introduced a few months ago. So without further ado, and in no particular order ...

Shoutout to the fans ... There were fathers and sons, boyfriends and girlfriends, and lots and lots of single adult males wearing jerseys. A pretty impressive group. And not to repeat myself, but this whole event would have been a DISASTER if nobody had trekked out to Farifax, Virginia, found their way to the Patriot Center, and waited outside for up to an hour to get seating. Sure, there would have been seating for anyone that showed up at 11, but it was still pretty cool to see people camped out regardless. They didn’t want to take the chance. And I have VISUAL EVIDENCE.

Err... Okay, so that’s not the most impressive evidence. But whatever. It was impossible to take a picture of the entire line, as it stretched all the way around the building. You’ll just have to take my word for it. There were only about 3,500 people there, but the vast majority that showed up early were sporting Wizards gear and got loud as soon as we got inside.

Also, while we’re here, an awesome moment occurred when I was walking around snapping pictures with my iPhone and someone noticed that my phone had a crack in the back.

Him: “Yooo homey, let me see your iPhone.”

Me: (nervously hands over the iPhone)

Him: “Damn, son. You got a CRACK in this. Need to get yourself a CASE.”

Me: “I know... I know. It’s pretty embarrassing.”

Him: (pulls out iPhone case) “Well, yo. I’ll sell you this one for 10.”

... and THAT, my friends, is a Washington Wizards crowd. God it’s good to have hoops back.

Anti-shoutout to 70 percent of the Crowd ... I know this is sort of a buzzkill after the praise a second ago, but it was a little deflating when I realized that the majority of people that filed into the Patriot Center last night were George Mason students. They got loud initially, but I think that may have just been random drunk cheering. As the night unfolded, the whole “Look at all these Wizards fans!” epiphany sort of lost its luster when the crowd gave Jim Larranagha a bigger ovation than JaVale McGee. Regardless, though, let it be known: At 12:01 a.m. last night, the Wizards had the best basketball crowd in the world.

The only basketball crowd in the world, you say? The best, I say. Now, onward...

For instance, while the Wizards Energy Team was attempting trampoline dunks, a white guy did one, at which Tigger screamed into the microphone, “They CAN jump!” Love you, Tigger.

Anti-shoutout to Big Tigger’s music selection ... Try to imagine the worst song on earth. I mean, something that both drives you insane and makes you legitimately worried about humanity. Are you picturing it? Got it yet?

Because that’s the song that Big Tigger led off with. A Wizards-themed remix of the Lil Jon song “Shots.” Because the only thing more excruciating than the actual “Shots” song would be a version dubbed over with basketball-related lyrics. “BLOCKED! SHOTS! JUMP! SHOTS!” etc.

Mercifully, the song’s not online, so you won’t have to hear it and subsequently lose faith in everything you thought you loved. But for some of us, it’s too late ... (Photo via NBA.com)

Shoutout to Mambo Sauce ... Their performance was inspired considering nobody in the crowd had any idea who they were. And it took a few songs, but the crowd got into it. Because how can you NOT get into a Hip-Hop ensemble that manages to incorporate a cowbell?

Anyway, it was very cool of the Wizards to invite an authentic D.C. band out for the event, and the Wizards coming out of the locker room to Mambo’s “Welcome to D.C.” was one of the cooler moments of the life. This is something that should happen all year long. And for the uninitiated, the song is great, in general.

“Football, yup, it’s cowboys and Indians, politics, it’s cowboys and idiots”

Shoutout to Militant Gilbert Arenas ... With the lights dark in a smoke-filled arena, the Wizards listed each of their players one-by-one, until only two remained. People like Nick Young were predictably enthusiastic about the whole thing — Nick Young’s always been at his best during player introductions — but everyone was holding their breath to see how Gilbert would react. And what happened?

He sprinted through the gauntlet of cheerleaders to line up with his teammates, all before the announcer could even say, “Gilbert Arenas.” So, uh, so much for Gilbert’s big moment, huh? Later, he banked in a three at the buzzer of the scrimmage, and walked off the court without cracking a smile.

And you know, if this is how Gilbert’s going to be from now on, it’s cool with me. It’s like he went to prison -- not that far off, actually -- grew a beard, found Islam, and became a different, much edgier character. And if he can play well this year, it’d be kind of cool to have militant Gilbert around. Completely different than the old days, but at least he’d still be a unique character that perplexes everyone. Although if this ends with Gil refusing to stand during the National Anthem, followed by David Stern quietly having him “disappear,” then forget I ever said anything.

Anti-Shoutout to Kirk Hinrich ... When we first looked at the roster, my friend (who doesn’t follow the Wizards) said, “Whoa. We traded for Kirk Hinrich! (five seconds of silence) Why’d we do that?”

NOBODY KNOWS.

Shoutout to the fans in front of me ... There was a group of Mason students in front of me that clearly didn’t know much about basketball, but upon seeing Hinrich, they began calling him Squeak.

As in, Squeak from Baseketball. NSFW scene for context:

BEST. NICKNAME. EVER. Kirk Hinrich will heretofore be known as Squeak.

Shoutout to JaVale McGee ... Because JaVale just doesn’t care. He’s awkward, he’s goofy-looking, and he’s going to attempt at least five ridiculous dunks anytime he steps on the court. It’s a special bonus that John Wall may end up turning him into a star big man, but that doesn’t even matter. You know the innocent 16 year-old that hasn’t quite grown into his body yet, but always seems really happy to be playing? That’s JaVale.

Plus, he created the concept of the Anti-Shoutout. The JAVALEVATOR is the future, yo.

Anti-shoutout to Flip Saunders ... He didn’t do anything bad last night, but just because we’re talking about everybody, here’s to hoping Flip gets fired and Sam Cassell takes over.

Shoutout to John Wall ... We’re getting close to wrapping this up, but we can’t end without at least a few paragraphs of me slobbering over the Greatest Thing That’s Ever Happened To Us.

So here we go...

1. This event never happens if the Wizards hadn’t won the lottery last year. The excitement about the future just wouldn’t be the same if they’d drafted someone like Derrick Favors. But suddenly, even as last night’s practice made it obvious that roughly 85 percent of the roster needs upgrading, the Wizards have a spark. There’s a reason to watch. A reason to drive out to Farifax, Virginia and stay up till 1 a.m. watching a team scrimmage. The Wizards are no longer the cute, misfit stepchild of the D.C. sports scene. Wall has changed everything.

2. Even watching warmups and a scrimmage that was, at best, played at half-speed, Wall’s gifts are obvious. Less so because of what he did, but because of how easy he made things look in comparison to his teammates. While the rest of the roster fumbled passes, flubbed lay-ups, and flailed around on defense, John Wall just looked like he’s naturally better than everyone. Like none of this is an accident. He’s naturally predisposed to be a superstar basketball player. Not just a great athlete, but a basketball player. The Wizards have a lot of great athletes, but it’s been a long time since we’ve had a great basketball player. Even Gilbert was never naturally better than everyone. But Wall is.

3. Wall understood the moment. He had an advantage, of course, since he was just a year removed from going through Midnight Madness at Kentucky. But even so, Wall gets credit for having fun from start to finish last night. Playing to the crowd, dunking in warm-ups, even going off-the-backboard for a dunk attempt on a free throw late in the night. It’s not worth going crazy over, but for the record, D.C. will absolutely love John Wall.

Photo by Lisa Rotter/SB Nation

And finally...

Shoutout to the idea ... Professional sports teams can never do stuff like this enough. If you open practice at noon on a Thursday, invite everyone to come cheer and get crazy, we’ll go. Midnight Madness to celebrate the start of the season should be a no-brainer, then. It works in college, and in the NBA, the stars are even bigger.

For a franchise like the Wizards, taking the opportunity to start fresh and reach out deserves even more praise. Hopefully, it’ll be the start of tradition that endures for years to come, with more fans catching on each year, and maybe even inspiring some copycat midnight practices around the league. Because every fanbase deserves this, and it’s not as if the NBA doesn’t have enough characters to make it work. That being said ...

Anti-Shoutout to the execution ... Okay, this might sound ungrateful, but the event could have been about a thousand times better. Again, it’s cool that they did it at all, but for the future, if the Wizards or other NBA teams plan on repeating it, then we may as well do it right.

I don’t know whether anyone from the Wizards marketing team has ever been to Kentucky or UNC for Midnight Madness, but if not, they should go. After the Wizards introductions, the energy sort of fizzled. The players ran three-man weaves for 10 minutes, then played three 10 minute scrimmages amongst themselves. Which is fine, except ... One can only get so enthralled by Hamady Ndiaye’s post moves.

Put the microphone in John Wall’s hands. Put it in Sam Cassell’s hands. Have some fun. At colleges, Midnight Madness is an occasion for dunk contests, ridiculous skits and awkward, hilarious dance routines. A scrimmage is cool, but nobody wants to watch a half-assed practice at midnight. If the Wizards or other NBA teams want this to catch on, they need to have more fun with it.

Because that’s the thing. NBA players are so much fun. JaVale, Nick Young John Wall, even watching Militant Gilbert pretend to hate everything would have been entertaining. And every team has these characters. The types of guys that’d put on hilarious skits, talk endless trash in a game of horse or harass the coaching staff if given the opportunity. If that’s what this leads to, NBA fans would absolutely love it.

In any case, last night was a step in the right direction. It was a little crazy, a little awkward, and probably a little ambitious. Not perfect, by any means. But again, all great ideas start like that ...

Photo by Lisa Rotter/SB Nation