Meet Paul Allen, Trail Blazers Owner And All-Around Psychotic Rich Guy

First, there’s the context. At yesterday’s NBA lockout meeting, Portland Trail Blazers owner Paul Allen was the owner sent by the NBA’s board of governors to speak for the owners not in the room. This is what that looked like:

Allen was tasked with telling the players union that the owners would refuse to negotiate if the players would not agree to a 50/50 revenue split. Hunter said he responded by asking whether they could table that issue to return to a discussion of system issues, and Allen only responded with silence.

But now the good part. Ben Golliver, who’s pretty familiar with the Blazers, checks in with a mini-profile of Allen over at CBS Sports, adding a little context to Thursday’s news. You should read the whole thing just for the sheer insanity of it all. A sample after the jump.

My favorite part?

He’s currently being sued by his own ex-military bodyguards for allegations of illegal activity, his helicopter recently crashed during an excursion to Antarctica and, oh yeah, he’s gone through two general managers and a vice president of basketball operations since the 2010 NBA Draft. He passes his time, including on Thursday morning, exchanging tweets about what rock song the Seattle Seahawks, his NFL franchise, should play at practice.

Paul Allen: FIRE THEM. FIRE THEM ALL.

Assistant: Sir, we just did that last week.

Allen: OH YEAH? YOU’RE FIRED TOO.

Assistant: What?

Allen: GET ME PETE ON THE PHONE, GODDAMNIT.

Assistant: “Sir, you’re holding your phone. Pete’s been on the line for 20 minutes.”

Allen: HEY PETE. PETE PETE PETE. FEELS LIKE IT’S A SEGER DAY AT PRACTICE.

Coach Carroll: “Surethingbosswhateveryouwannadosoundsgreatletsdoit!”

Allen: AHHHH, YEAH. KNEW YOU’D LIKE THAT ONE. OLD TIME ROCK AND ROLL. EVERYBODY LIKES THAT SONG. GOOD FOR THE MORALE OF THE BOYS. GOTTA GO NOW. COACH ‘EM UP, PETEY!!!!

[/crashes helicopter in Antartica]