Checking In On NBA Players At The Lockout Meetings In Manhattan

Oct 4, 2011, 6:34 PM UTC

As reported earlier this afternoon, Tuesday’s crucial NBA lockout meetings in New York City have attracted a number of the NBA’s biggest superstars. Names like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, Amare Stoudemire, Paul Pierce, and more. So just what are they up to over there?

Let’s take a look.

PAUL PIERCE is wearing sweatpants in the corner while smoking a black and mild, shooting dice with what appears to be a hotel employee. He is sitting in a wheelchair, but appears healthy ... KEVIN GARNETT had to be restrained early in the bargaining sessions. After spending the first 30 minutes of the meeting pacing at the back of the conference and whispering under his breath, Mr. Garnett walked toward the owners’ side of the room and began barking in each owner’s ear. He’s since been confined to a nearby electrical closet, where apparently the barking continues. ... AMARE STOUDEMIRE arrived in a dazzling three piece suit, a skinny tie, and bi-focals. “We bringin’ the bi-focals BACK!” he announced proudly. He’s spent the duration of the meeting on his Ipad, critiquing various photos of himself on Google Images. ... JOE JOHNSON attempted to enter the conference room to join the bargaining session, but found himself cornered by Billy Hunter and Derek Fisher, and was asked to leave. He could be seen lighting hundred dollar bills on fire as he exited. ... LEBRON JAMES, in attendance at prior bargaining sessions, did not attend today’s meeting. Twitter speculates that he’s still in his hotel room, chewing his fingernails. He sent MARIO CHALMERS in his place. ... CARMELO ANTHONY arrived with his wife, for some reason. LALA VASQUEZ has been among the most vocal attendees at Tuesday’s meeting, and nobody knows quite what to say. Should they tell her to leave? ... TIM DUNCAN is boring ... GREG ODEN is getting high with BILL WALTON, while both men ice their knees and talk about the ‘60s. ... Turns out, the man in the corner with PAUL PIERCE isn’t a hotel employee, it’s STEPHEN JACKSON. ... At the negotiating table, CHRIS PAUL has offered several helpful solutions, at times appearing as the most valuable of any player negotiators in the room. Nobody notices .... Meanwhile, DERRICK ROSE arrived, sat silently for 45 minutes, and then left. Reporters have praised the symbolic gesture for its intangible impact on the proceedings. MVP. ... ZACH RANDOLPH is smokin. He’s not there. But wherever he is, he’s smokin. ... RUSSELL WESTBROOK arrived on time, but kept speaking out of turn. He was asked to leave. ... BARON DAVIS keeps asking everyone what they think of the new mixtape from THE WEEKEND ... Meanwhile, TYREKE EVANS just blinded the entire meeting when he unveiled his new chain. Billy Hunter pulled him aside to talk about spending in a lockout. ... SPENCER HAWES is in New York City, but has spent the duration of his stay opposing the new “Occupy Wall Street” movement, combating what he calls “The Hippie Problem” plaguing America ... KEVIN DURANT attempted to attend Tuesday’s meeting, but was distracted when he saved a golden retriever from a burning building, hugged a dying child, filmed a movie, and played in six exhibition basketball games. That’s just who he is. ... KOBE BRYANT appeared at the negotiating table with a lighter and a canister of gasoline. He has spent the duration of the meeting drumming his fingers on the conference table, staring at the owners, pausing occasionally to dip various proposals in the aforementioned canister. The lighter remains untouched. For now. ...