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Come Fan with UsThursday, June 25, 2026

NBA Laboratory: Givin’ Kobe Bryant The Business

In this episode of NBA Laboratory, we see how angry Kobe Bryant would get if we played him only one minute per game, and gave his starting spot to the worst player imaginable. He’s going to be so mad, you guys.

Welcome to the second-ever installment of NBA Lockout Laboratory. In case you read only this series, and nothing else on the internet, you should know that the NBA lockout is over!

However, the Laboratory -- a series that simulates strange and/or silly scenarios through the video game NBA 2K12 -- will certainly press on, because we live and work for the interests of scientific advancement. Today's question: How can we make Kobe Bryant as angry as possible?

Usually, when he gets angry, he responds by putting up 16 in the fourth quarter. It seems that the best way to really give him the business would be to a) bench him, b) play him exactly one minute per game, and c) give his starting spot to the worst player of all time.

Now, to see what happens. He’s gonna be super-mad. Oh man.

Music:
“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” (rock version), Mannheim Steamroller
“Piece Of Crap,” Neil Young and Crazy Horse

P.S. Kobe Bryant is actually 33 years old. I said he was 34 in the video because I cannot do math because I am real dumb!

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