This morning, we laid out the five ways one could process the Boston Celtics' Sunday win over the Miami Heat. Bill Reiter, FOXSports' Heat beat writer, clearly chose Option A.
Miami Heat’s Only Path To The NBA Championship Revealed!
Miami cannot beat Boston. Not now. Not later. Not in a seven-game playoff series. Not gonna happen.
Well then! But fret not, Heat fans. Miami can still win the title. Reiter has the blueprint.
The best bet for the Heat's hopes is Chicago taking the second spot in the East, Boston falling to the third, the Knicks acquiring Carmelo Anthony and Orlando stumbling.
Then maybe, just maybe, the Celtics could see Orlando in the first round in a No. 3-vs.-No. 6 pairing and, if they advanced, face Chicago in the second round. And then maybe, just maybe, one of those two teams would knock off Boston.
Sound farfetched? Not as farfetched as Heat fans thinking their team will figure out Boston come playoff time.
Oh snap! Good blueprint, but I prefer mine.
It starts with DeMarcus Cousins pulling the Celtics' charter plane out of the sky. Tyreke Evans plays Cyrano de Bergerac to Shannon Brown's Christian de Neuvillette, successfully wooing Kourtney Kardashian from Lamar Odom and ripping the Lakers apart. Omri Casspi, meanwhile, begins dating Erin Barry, weirding out Tony Parker as he slices mortadella for a nice pre-game sandwich. Parker loses two fingers, and can never bounce-pass again. Dwight Howard loses to the Jeopardy! supercomputer Watson and moves to Tibet to "find his moral compass," and LeBron James quits life because he's a quitting quitter with no heart (and because Donte Greene tells him to give up, because he'll never win anything). The rest of the league, admiring and fearful in the awesome power of the Sacramento Kings, gives up. The Kings hang Banner No. ... uh, 1, unless you count the Rochester Royals, which no one ever does.
For some actual analysis as to whether the Heat are doomed behind Reiter’s cocky and ridiculous assurances or my inane ramblings, please check out some actual data from Neil Paine of Basketball-Reference’s blog (via Haber-bro).
See More:
