We don’t know exactly what lace Mark Jackson spun with his tongue to convince the Golden State Warriors to hire him as the team’s new head coach. But based on his illustrious broadcasting career for ABC and ESPN, we can certainly imagine how that went.
The Interview That Got Mark Jackson The Warriors’ Head Coach Job
Joe Lacob, Warriors franchise owner: Mark, welcome to Oakland!
Mark Jackson: <extends hands> Hand down, man down!
Lacob: <quickly shakes Jackson’s hand> Uh, right. Indeed! Have a seat.
Lacob: So, I'll be frank. We wanted Mike Brown, but the Lakers hired him before we could offer a contract. Our lawyers type really slow. Would you be OK being a second choice?
Jackson: Joe Lacob, you’re better than that!
Lacob: <looks concerned> Excuse me?
Jackson: You talk about a guy that just wants an opportunity to show what he can do. You talk about a guy that has no ego. You talk about a guy that just wants to win at the highest levels. You talk about a guy who isn't going to let some little thing like being the second choice behind a championship-level coach like Mike Brown derail his career in the National Basketball Association. You talk about a guy who is selfless and just wants to win. Mark Jackson. Head coach candidate. Golden State Warriors.
Lacob: <smiles, perplexed> Well, uh, excellent! What’s your defensive philosophy?
Jackson: Hand down, man down!
Lacob: Of course.
<bandit seen streaking by Lacob’s bay windows carrying Warriors’ 1975 NBA Championship trophy>
Jackson: Mama, there goes that man!
Jackson leaps up, bursts through window, rolls to feet, brushes off broken glass and sprints after the bandit. He returns 10 minutes later with the trophy and two almond croissants. He slams the trophy on Lacob’s desk, and shoves both croissants into his mouth. Lacob sits mouth agape for a beat.
Lacob: Well, that was certainly a <air quotes> grown man move. <snickers>
Jackson glares, masticating his pastry.
Lacob: <nervous> Uh, you’re hired! Welcome to the Warriors organization. <extends hand>
Jackson: <pastry crumbling from his mouth> Hand down, man down!
Brief notes for veracity:
* Joe Lacob’s office in Oakland cannot possibly be street-level.
* Mark Jackson prefers scones to croissants. Creative license was used to make this fictional account more appealing.
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