I am a grown man who collects NBA bobbleheads. Take a minute to let that sink in. Now that we’ve all come to terms with that reality, get excited: I’m moments away from revealing my carefully-selected bobblehead Dream Team, with in-depth descriptions and photographic evidence. Before that glorious moment, however, it’s first important to understand that my bobbleheads, like all collections, tell enjoyable stories in a way that is visually interesting.
Confessions Of An NBA Bobblehead Collector
According to Dan Grunfeld, collections tell stories. That’s one of the things he loves about his imposing army of NBA bobbleheads. Another thing he loves: they are hilarious.
At the end of the day, that’s what collecting is all about. I know, because I have the spirit of a collector, and I have acquired it in the most honest of fashions: it was passed down to me by my mom. It’s a bond we share, and it couldn’t be more obvious. We both relish the chance to hit up a good flea market. We both enjoy rummaging through old boxes. And we both love the show Storage Wars on A&E. (Mark my words: I will bid on an abandoned storage unit sometime in the next five years.) In my mom’s case, creativity and a love of pop culture influence her many cool collections, which include old-school metal lunchboxes, Pez dispensers, snow globes, old vinyl records and album covers, and paint-by-numbers. And yes, I agree: she’s a hip, hip lady. Born with the same itch, I started collecting at a young age with some serious head-scratchers, like small sea shells from the sandbox of my nursery school, mini cocktail umbrellas, paper clips and pennies. For some reason, these items seemed cool at the time.
If I got the collecting gene from my mom, I got the basketball gene from my dad -- he’s been involved in the NBA for over 30 years -- so once hoops took centerstage in my life around the age of six, I gravitated toward fun NBA relics, like trading cards, jerseys, posters, pennants and basically anything else having to do with basketball. Recently, though, my appetite for collecting and my love of the game have manifested themselves in an endeavor that seamlessly combines these two inherited passions: an obsession with amassing NBA bobbleheads.
These habitual head-nodders really burst onto the scene of my collecting consciousness at the end of high school, and I can (embarrassingly) say that the majority of my 100+ bobbles weren’t acquired (through friends, favors and eBay) until after I graduated from college, when I was already playing basketball professionally. Say what you will about an adult tinkering with toys, the army that I’ve assembled is proudly displayed on the shelves of my bedroom at my parents’ house.
My affinity for NBA bobbleheads either means I have the eye of a genius or the sensibilities of a buffoon, and while this issue is largely up in the air, they still make me happy. Even though bobbleheads may seem stupid or juvenile (or awesome) to some, for me, they are each a small relic that tells a story about the game I love. Every one of them is a tiny little history lesson. When I look at my Darko Milicic bobble, I don't just see a finely designed piece of craftsmanship that oozes sophisticated detail and understated elegance; I see the 2003 NBA Draft where he was picked ahead of Carmelo, D-Wade, and Chris Bosh. The pinstriped Indiana Pacers uniform worn by my Jonathan Bender bobble is a classic, but more than that, his replica brings back memories of watching him break Michael Jordan's scoring record in the 1999 McDonald's All-American Game, when I was just 15 years old, and when he was the first 6'11" small forward I'd ever seen. The ability to evoke memories like these is just one of the many things I love about this particular collection of mine. Besides that, though, they are just plain funny.
So this leads to the big question: what makes a quality NBA bobblehead? I have identified four characteristics that I look for when adding a new soldier to my army.
First, I find that the best bobbleheads are those that were given away as a game-day promotion, as opposed to the mass-produced bobbles that can be bought in stores. The giveaways are the ones that were created in a limited quantity, and these are the ones you want (they’re also the coolest looking, which is a bonus). Second, it’s always good if you personally like, or are at least familiar with, the player depicted. Then, you’re more likely to identify with his particular story. Next, the re-creation should at least have some sort of resemblance to the actual player. I’m not necessarily looking for Madame Tussauds-level quality, but it should ideally be somewhere close.
Lastly, and in my opinion most importantly, the greatest bobbleheads are those that have some sort of fun or unique feature that is specific to that particular player. This is key. An example would be the Kyle Korver bobble that has flowing blonde locks in reference to Kyle Korver's nice hair, which happens to be one of his defining physical characteristics. I've made a few eBay plays for this Korver bobble, but I haven't had luck so far. It should be known that I'm a frugal bobble enthusiast, so if it's not a deal or a steal, I'm not biting ... no matter how awesome those luscious locks might look on my shelf.
Anyway, using these criteria, I have taken it upon myself to assemble an All-Star team of bobbleheads from my personal collection. The dynamic squad I've chosen epitomizes the aforementioned characteristics, with each member conjuring up a different memory for me about the game of hoops. This bobble-team consists of a starting five, a sixth man and, of course, effective and motivated leadership (AKA a bobble-coach and a bobble-owner). I've also thrown in a bobble-announcer and bobble-mascot, just for good measure (and because I have no life). Without further ado, let me present to you the Dan Grunfeld Bobble-Stars, with explanations and pictures, of course.
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POINT GUARD: JASON WILLIAMSEven though my J-Dub bobble doesn't look exactly like him, it's still dripping with legitimately sweet details. There's the shaved head, the earing, the tattoos. Truthfully, I would like this one even more if it was the shaggy-haired Sacramento Kings version of White Chocolate who was killin' cats with his crossovers and off-the-elbow passes, but I'll take this Memphis incarnation any day of the week. When I look at mini-Jason, it still reminds me of him doing things in the late ‘90s and early 2000s that no one else in the league was doing at that time. He didn't always make the safe play, but creatively, he was on a different level, which made him incredibly fun to watch. He captured my imagination, and I'm not the only one. People were wearing his #55 Kings jersey all over the place back then. He was putting on a show, but he was also winning games in Sac-Town. I think his bobblehead, as a result, is pretty ill.
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SHOOTING GUARD: RIP HAMILTONThis bobble looks very much like the real Rip, not only in the face but also in its slender build. Even with this striking resemblance, the best part of this bobble, by far, is the detachable mini plastic face-mask that is Rip's trademark. Even mini ketchup bottles are fun, so I don't think I need to explain what's cool about a mini version of Rip Hamilton's face-mask, do I? I happen to love Rip's game, so it's almost impossible for me to see the small, agreeable version of him sitting in my room without envisioning him coming off a screen or two. In my generation, there have been three players who have consistently amazed me with their ability to stay in motion and use screens to free themselves for shots, drives, curls, etc. Those three are Rip, Ray Allen, and Reggie Miller. I am also a wing, so I've been coming off of wide pin-downs, staggers, and flare-screens for more years than I can count. I know how difficult it is to do it effectively. It takes patience, footwork, stamina, technique, and just a knack for freeing yourself. Rip does it as well as anybody. And his bobblehead wears a mini face-mask. That's a win-win, folks.
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SMALL FORWARD: ADAM MORRISONThis couldn't look more like Adam Morrison if Rick Moranis rolled around and zapped him a la Honey I Shrunk the Kids. It's very accurate, but let's make no mistake: this bobble is all about the ‘stache and the long hair. When Adam was demolishing people at Gonzaga, his unique look became iconic. When you average over 28 points per game, even with every team gearing their defense specifically to stop you, you deserve for college kids everywhere to grow awkward mustaches in your honor. Nowadays, I sometimes read people criticizing Adam and calling him a bust, and I just shake my head. He had terrible luck with a serious knee injury early in his NBA career, but take it from me, the dude can play. During my senior year in college, my Stanford team played Adam's Gonzaga Bulldogs at their place, on ESPN. I drew the match-up to guard him, and after the game, all my coaches and teammates praised me for how close I stuck to him off screens and how hard I made it for him to get his shots off. I said thanks, then looked at the box score. He had 34 points. He also made the big shot to seal their victory down the stretch, right in my face. For the record, I did play tough D on him, but that's how good he was. I hope he proves his haters wrong, and no matter what, his bobble will continue to live on my shelf. After all, I've always appreciated a good triple-threat: talented player, wispy mustache, fine bobble.
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 | POWER FORWARD: BEN WALLACEI made the executive decision to move Big Ben away from his natural position, center, and into the power forward position, simply because I had to get his amazing ‘fro into the lineup. This is the kind of personal characteristic that makes a bobblehead freaking awesome. Big Ben was such a monster for the Pistons in the 2000s, and his bobble-fro really hammers that point home. It's also pretty cool that he went undrafted out of college, then went on to be a four-time defensive player of the year, four-time all-star, and NBA champion. Amazing career + bangin' ‘fro = sick bobblehead. |
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CENTER: DIKEMBE MUTOMBOThe big fella's facial detail is very strong, and his head shape is weirdly accurate, but what makes this bobblehead special is that it's not a bobblehead at all: it's a bobblefinger. As many people know, when Dikembe blocked a shot in the NBA (something he did quite often), his trademark was to wag his finger in the face of the rejected player. It was as if he was saying in his hilariously scratchy and at the same time incredibly dignified voice: "No, no, no. Not in my house, Kind Sir." After a while, the NBA said he couldn't finger-wag in people's faces, but he could shake his pointer in the direction of the crowd, so that's what he started doing. Either way, the finger-wag became a thing-part of the history of the game-and this bobblefinger captures that perfectly. And just for the record, because I haven't heard Stuart Scott say it on SportsCenter in years, Dikembe's full name is: Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo. Okay, moving on.
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 | SIXTH MAN: KEITH VAN HORNWho doesn't like the combination of high socks, a goatee, and a gentlemen's crew cut? I certainly do, so he's the perfect guy to bring off the bobble-bench. |
COACH: KEVIN MCHALEAny bobble donning a sweater is cool with me, and since young big men everywhere should watch film of his footwork in the post, it seemed like a good call. |  |
 | OWNER: MARK CUBANEven if Turtle and I had been drinking Avion tequila all day, I'd still be coherent enough to make this choice. It's a given. |
ANNOUNCER: WALT "CLYDE" FRAZIERGreatest combination of panache and rhyming skills since Slick Rick. Appropriately, his bobble wears a fedora. |  |
 | MASCOT: HUGO THE HORNETCool colors, antennae, and also a pioneering mascot in the world of trampoline flip-dunking. |
So, that’s the squad! I think they do a pretty good job of promoting all that is fun about the NBA bobblehead, but more than that, I hope they are representative of the greater passion shared by collectors everywhere. Whether it’s stamps, shot glasses, guitar picks, Swatch watches (my mom’s got that one, too), or Civil War relics, all collections tell some kind of story. They embody a certain history that for some reason resonates with the person doing the collecting. Since I’m a collector who was born into a basketball family and have subsequently watched, played, and studied the game since I gave up my underrated sea-shell collection at a very young age, it makes sense that the items I now collect have to do with hoops. There’s an endless history when it comes to the game of basketball, and my bobbleheads tell just a miniscule part of it. Also, I like looking at them from time to time, and I really enjoy the thrill of bargain-hunting for the good ones. They do a lot for me, so I’ll continue to display them on my shelf as a basketball story-telling bobble-army, even if it confirms the fact that I’m an adult who likes figurines. I can live with that.
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