It is time for two annual tropes of the NBA Draft.
NBA Mock Draft: Harrison Barnes’ Poetic Justice
Madness in full swing,let’s mock the NBA Draft.... Oh, it’s in haiku.
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1. It is time to discount the potential of any otherwise stellar NBA prospect based on fuzzy interpretations of said prospect's failings. I see you, Harrison Barnes.
2. It is time to get through an entire top-14 NBA mock draft using haiku.
Let’s go, for it’s time
to mock ourselves and the draft
in just that order.
Let’s mock.
1. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS: ANTHONY DAVIS
Anthony Davis:
the big unibrow that could
(get Cal a title?).
2. WASHINGTON WIZARDS: THOMAS ROBINSON
‘New traditions’ means
avoiding future Blatches.
Sorry, Dre Drummond.
3. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS: ANDRE DRUMMOND
Kids this big and skilled
are worth the trouble, lest we
forget D. Cousins.
4. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS (VIA NETS): BRADLEY BEAL
Oh, Nets. HA HA HA
ha ha ha ha HA ha ha.
(I am so sorry.)
5. TORONTO RAPTORS: MICHAEL KIDD-GILCHRIST
No Euros near top?
S'OK: MKG will be
coach Dwane Casey's dream.
6. DETROIT PISTONS: PERRY JONES
Motown’s core -- Monroe,
Stuckey and Knight -- ought to add
a real wild card.
7. SACRAMENTO KINGS: JOHN HENSON
It is time to find
Boogie Cousins the perfect
defensive caddie.
8. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: CODY ZELLER
Austin Rivers would
be hilarious right here.
Yo, you mad Coach K?
9. UTAH JAZZ (FROM WARRIORS): HARRISON BARNES
10. MILWAUKEE BUCKS: JARED SULLINGER
First assignment for
Sully: usurp Drew Gooden
with top-notch neckstache.
11. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS: TYLER ZELLER
Keep this kid away
from Sactown, y’all. Only then
will no one get hurt.
12. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS (FROM WOLVES): TERRENCE JONES
We can look forward
to David Stern vetoing
a pick live on stage!
13. PHOENIX SUNS: AUSTIN RIVERS
Congratulations!
You get to replace Steve Nash.
Here's some patchouli.
14. DENVER NUGGETS: ROYCE WHITE
No, I had not heard
of Royce White before last week.
Uh, why do you ask?
***
Comment starter: Well, that was a pretty mal-informed mock draft. Can they get worse?
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