IMPORTANT NOTE: DeShawn Stevenson Has An ATM In His Kitchen
Having an ATM in your in kitchen is...
A) Completely unnecessary and ridiculous
B) An expensive way to avoid all those pesky surcharges
C) Far and away the most hood rich kitchen accessory of all time
D) Kinda brilliant, when you think of how convenient it’d be
The answer is all of the above, of course. DeShawn Stevenson is the best. Great outfit, too. But DeShawn got me wondering about option B, so I did a little digging.
Per this website, leasing an ATM costs as little as $65-a-month. Plus a one-time installation fee that runs between $75-$100. If we set aside the installation fee and assume this is the only ATM DeShawn ever uses, let’s also assume the average ATM fees elsewhere are $2.50.
He’d have to have been going to other ATMs 26 times-a-month to justify the monthly expense. That’s a lot, but not inconceivable. You also have to factor in the satisfaction that’d come with setting up surcharges on your own ATM, knowing that all that money goes right back to you. That feeling alone might be worth an extra $10-a-month if I had stupid amounts of money to play with. Plus, you could invite teammates over and swindle them into your kitchen ATM. How do you think the rich get richer? That’s empire building 101.
So the lesson here is one we’ve always known: Being a pro athlete would be so hilarious and awesome. Just imagine how much fun it’d be to fill out this application form.
Being a pro athlete means you select the “other” category and then specify:
“IT’S GOING IN MY KITCHEN, SON.”
God bless DeShawn Stevenson.
(via Instagram, The Basketball Jones)
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