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Come Fan with UsSaturday, June 20, 2026

Here’s Kenyon Martin’s house; why are you so broke and pathetic?

Want to know where an NBA journeyman lives? Let’s take a look inside Kenyon Martin’s $5 million house in Texas.

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Doug Pensinger

Kenyon Martin’s house is impressive for a number of reasons, but first and foremost we need to mention the pecan orchards. Do you know what pecan orchards look like?

‘Course you don’t, you broke ass bitch.

Kenyon Martin’s house has multiple pecan orchards according to the listing here. He also has a 10 car garage, but you don’t even have 10 cars, do you?

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That’s not even half of Kenyon Martin’s garage! Get on Kenyon Martin’s level, people.

Other questions: Where is your pool? Where is your arch?

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Where are your bronze dolphin fountains?

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Where is your bowling alley?

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AND WHERE ARE YOUR PECAN ORCHARDS?

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NOWHERE, that’s where. Your pecan orchard doesn’t exist. So step your game up and find 5 million dollars to get on Kenyon Martin’s level, or just stop reading the internet and go get a job. This is how ballers live, and if you’re not livin like this you need to get your broke ass back on the sidelines.

(Note #1: All photos via Realtor.com, thanks to USA Today for the tip)

(Note #2: If you ARE on Kenyon Martin’s level, do not fill his Range Rover with popcorn like J.R. Smith once did, because Mr. Martin will get very upset. The NBA is the greatest.)

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