Day two of All-Star Weekend was ... interesting. It became less about basketball (if that’s even possible) and more about Mardi Gras, all while learning some new life lessons:
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- Time and laws do not exist in New Orleans.
- Everyone around you is drunk. All the time.
- Cabs are everywhere and nowhere at all.
- Does anybody know the rules of the dunk contest?
- Why are we at the dunk contest?
- Why is everyone at the dunk contest but also somehow at a party at the same time?
- Why does All-Star Saturday even exist?
- Vanilla Ice will go anywhere you ask him to.
- Kevin Hart is ACTUALLY everywhere.
- You can get a drink 24 hours a day in New Orleans but you can’t get a sandwich after 5pm.
- Note to self: keep a sandwich reserve.
- Mardi Gras parades are a good place to go to hear women permanently damage their vocal cords and their dignity.
- You don’t want Mardi Gras beads but you will end up with Mardi Gras beads.
- The easiest way to “earn” Mardi Gras beads is by existing as a human being.
- Parked cop cars can also be used as a chair.
- Knocking on the window of a moving cop car will only result in a police officer waving happily at you.
- Not now, Kevin Hart.
- You find out about a new party you hadn’t heard about every 15 minutes.
- You start to question your friendships with people because they hadn’t previously told you about said party.
- DO NOT GO TO BOURBON STREET EVER
- Seriously don’t go to Bourbon Street.
- If you’re a tall man, you’re an NBA player.
- If you’re a tall woman, you’re an NBA player.
- If you walk around with trophy, Diddy will try to steal it from you.
- Mardi Gras will try to destroy your cell service. Don’t let it. That’s how they get you.
- Someone will stumble into you once every 10 minutes. It will probably be someone over 50.
- The homeless people have better style than 90 percent of the other people you’ll see.
- Nelly still exists.
- There is absolutely no reason to stop eating. Ever.
- Running in Converse is not something I can ever recommend doing.
- Seriously, your cab is empty, can you drive me up the street? No? OK.
- There is a hot dog stand on almost every street corner because New Orleans knows how to live life properly.
- Waiting in line for 45 minutes to get beignets is not only worth it, but likely the best decision you will make in New Orleans.
- Pierre the Pelican apparently does not roam the streets here. That I know of.
- Starting to feel like Pau is ignoring me.
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