2014 NBA Mock Draft: Let’s haiku with the lottery picks
A haiku mock draft / for your enjoyment. But be / warned: this is useless.
Mark Konezny-USA TODAY Sports
Haiku Mock Draft time!
An NBA mock that has
even less info.
But it has haiku,
and what more could you ask for.
Besides reporting.
Rules of Haiku mock:
5-7-5 verse structure
and some jokes. Let’s mock.
1. Cavaliers: Joel Embiid
Cavs strike gold again.
Well, uhh. Bennett wasn’t gold,
but you get the point.
Embiid fills a need,
that need being a big man
good enough to start.
No offense, Tristan.
You’re just fine, by which I mean,
well, serviceable.
Varejao? Well, he’s
getting long in the tooth and
also in the hair.
Bennett’s not yet a
bust. But duck’s waddle. Frankly,
Bennett waddles too.
It’s Embiid, yes sir.
The New Dream, Ibaka Plus,
or Greg Oden II.
NBA Mock Draft
2. Bucks: Andrew Wiggins
First-team All-Skinny,
joining half the Bucks’ roster.
Order up some brats.
Up in Milwaukee,
Wig’s an instant featured star.
Green light from Day 1.
Maybe the Bucks need
a new ambassador too?
Draft Drake. O.V.O.
3. Sixers: Jabari Parker
A real, live player?
Not on loan from the D-League?
Well shoot. I’ll be darned.
Philly needs players.
Maybe nine or 10 of them.
Draft ‘em up, Hinkie.
Jabari is good.
... There’s your hot basketball take.
Mock drafts. Haiku. Yeah!
4. Magic: Dante Exum
Exum or Smart? That
appears to be the question.
Choose mystery, Oz.
5. Jazz: Noah Vonleh
Time to stock the team.
Burke, Favors, maybe Hayward
and not a ton more.
6. Celtics: Aaron Gordon
Baby Blake Griffin?
Whatever the case, Boston
will take him. He’s neat.
Aaron Gordon
7. Lakers: Marcus Smart
The point guard L.A.
needs. Next: a PF, a C,
an SF and coach.
This assumes Kobe
won’t get his tail kicked by that
bear again. Who knows?
8. Kings: Tyler Ennis
Purity: good for
diamonds, vodka and point guards.
Ennis: the next Nash?
9. Hornets: Doug McDermott
“Dougie McBuckets.”
That’s a full line of haiku!
Kill curse of Ammo.
10. Sixers: Julius Randle
Randle gets rebounds,
at least against college size.
But can he score too?
Julius Randle
11. Nuggets: Dario Saric
He’s out. No, he’s in.
Will he come over next year?
No one knows at all.
12. Magic: Adreian Payne
Payne is my sleeper.
The problem: he’s 23.
Will he translate well?
13. Timberwolves: James Young
Shooters who can fly
stay popular in the draft.
Wolves need more athletes.
14. Suns: Kyle Anderson
Comps are so scary.
If I say “mini LeBron,”
he’ll end up DeShawn.
But really! K.A.
plays a style not unlike
LeBron James. Oh well.
Let me retract that.
Anderson’s no mini-Bron.
No, he’s John Salmons.
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