This is a declaration of war, right?
Kevin Durant drives a bus over Marcin Gortat
Kevin Durant should probably be fined for what he did to Marcin Gortat. It was that mean.
Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports
Poland has every right to ask for reparations after this. Marcin Gortat doesn't deserve this. He does nothing wrong here. He's just doing what his coaches have asked him to do on defense. This is like being a security guard making your rounds at night and running into Bruce Banner transforming into the Hulk. All you can do is hope that he's merciful.
Which Kevin Durant is most certainly not. He dunks on Gortat and then celebrates like a bully who beats you up and then tells the crowd you also pee the bed. There's no need for that, man.
Gortat’s body was on auto-pilot. By the time he realized the situation he was in, it was far too late. He looked up and saw the light was still green, but by the time he stepped onto the crosswalk, it was Regina George all over again.
Look at how Gortat was waving his arms in the air during that defensive rotation. He’s the wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube-man. It’s so funny that you almost forget a grown man was destroyed cell by cell on national television.
The best part is how John Wall and Bradley Beal watch the whole thing happen in awe.
I'm sure they wanted to help, but their bodies were frozen, like second-hand trauma. That dunk alone set the Wizards back to the Andray Blatche days. Marcin Gortat is now Jan Vesely until further notice. Gortat's dad is a famous Polish boxer, so I think it's fair that Gortat gets his dad to beat up Kevin Durant after this. It's only right.
Gortat probably told people back in Poland, "Well you should see the other guy." You don't need to lie, Marcin. Look at how sad he looks after the dunk. His whole body language is like how the Wizards front office used to look every time they saw the Gilbert Arenas contract. He should have thrown the ball at Paul Pierce's head for that weak steal attempt to begin with. Pierce gave him the "Noo ... nooo ... stop ... don't do it. Well I tried!" defense. We should have known Gortat was in trouble when his help was was a guy who was a veteran during the NBA-ABA merger.
It’s hilarious how the lady in yellow in the crowd stands up and pumps her hand to let us all know that, yes, Gortat is now an endangered species. The guy in the red jacket jumps up and doesn’t even know if he should cheer or mourn. It’s like watching Mankind fall through the announcer’s table: You start cheering before realizing that nope, that man is incapacitated. Except it’s Gortat’s spirit, not his body, that was broken in front of thousands.
Durant even walks away like he’s an action hero in front of an explosion. He turned a 6’11, 240-pound center into a prop in a Michael Bay film. Gortat is now Jazz from Transformers, all because he tried to help his team out.
Gortat has every right to miss the next few practices for personal reasons. His teammates probably avoided eye contact in the locker room and didn’t say a word. Except for Beal laughing and watching the Vine on his phone while trying to show everyone the exact moment when Gortat ceased to exist as a physical being.
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