Don’t be a hero

So this happened:

I have so many questions. First of all -- and I’m sure Jonas Valanciunas will agree with this one -- WHY, DEAR GOD, WHY?

There’s no place for this type of thing in the civilized world. Why doesn’t Valanciunas move out of the way? History doesn’t remember victims. Get out of the way, because no one will judge you, Jonas. Only fools are heroes. It’s like Valanciunas was trapped in quicksand -- you can see that he wanted to move, but his body had already gone into shock and prepared for the worst. I’ve seen this type of thing before when deer see headlights and just freeze before the car crashes into them.

Archie Goodwin built up that dunk with all of the hatred of a man who’s had to share rooms and shoes while playing in the D-league. Archie played for the Bakersfield Jam, who play their games at the “Rabobank” Arena. This is a man with years of pain and nothing to lose. True story, the Bakersfield Jam considered changing their name to “Desperados, Roughnecks, or Oilers.” Those names do not sound like a good fit a team that produces players that will consider mercy.

You can see Valanciunas thought for a millisecond that he had a chance here. It’s like when you talk trash to a kid while around your friends and then you run into the kid alone while walking home. Valanciunas even bent his knees like he was about to fight back before his soul left his body. Like, his spirit abandoned his physical shell and threw up the peace sign as Goodwin sprouted wings. You can tell that Valanciunas has had nightmares about this moment and just had a terrible case of deja vu when he realized he was on an island and a monsoon was on its way. This is worse than the nightmare about ripping your pants in school.

I guarantee Valanciunas will hate basketball for the next few days. Asking him about how he did in the game is going to be like that Dave Chappelle ‘Black Bush’ skit:

Mom: Jonas, how did you do in the game?

Jonas: Why we always have to talk about basketball? Ball isn’t life! You know what’s life? The Dow Jones is down another 40 points. How come we’re not acknowledging the chance of another recession?

Mom: But --

Jonas: THE NFL IS RIGGED AND THE COWBOYS ARE PAYING THE REFS!

At this point, I can see Valanciunas’ mom having to tell him that it’s not his fault over and over before he breaks down in tears. Look at how he walks away after the dunk. He’s disgusted with himself, Goodwin, his teammates, the refs, all the witnesses, the current state of the world, the rising sea levels and the indifference of the good man. The other Suns’ player even knew that something terrible was going to happen and ran forward to bear witness. It’s like how animals can sense when a natural disaster is ensuing, except he needed to see it so he can tell the tale to the next generation.

Did Valanciunas jump and then realize that he’s made a terrible mistake? He doesn’t even try. Don’t go gentle into that good night, Jonas. Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

The only lesson here is only this: don’t try to be a hero. Get out of the way and live to fight another day. Your coaches that praise your effort for being a victim are probably laughing at the Vine before you come into their office. Don’t listen to them!