Poor Dwight Howard. We'll never be able to speak of him in the same way.
Harrison Barnes dunked like a lion and celebrated like a lamb
Barnes’ teammates did all the celebrating after he dunked on Howard. He should have joined in too.
Look to the bottom right side of this Harrison Barnes dunk video, next to the cameramen. There's the stoic man in blue. He's lost in deep thought. His arms are wrapped around his knee and he's staring into the distance. He's at a basketball game physically, but mentally he's traversing time and space in search for a deeper meaning to human existence. Is ball really life?
And just as he starts to consider that maybe ball is really just ball and there's more to this world, Barnes demolishes Howard and snaps him back to reality. That dunk was so good, it solved the deepest existential question. It was so good that it made Andre Iguodala spring up, snatch his hat off and dance around like a Wednesday Addams and Shirley Temple hybrid.
But the sad part in all of this is that Harrison Barnes is a kind man. Not kind like Kevin Durant, whose quiet nature implied that he was nice before we all found out this was merely hiding a relentless monster that blocks little children and makes grown men rethink their profession. Barnes is like a Sunday morning in the fall, when the trees and the ground are still shimmering and reflective from last night's rain. He's movie-night-with-your-high-school-sweetheart nice.
That needs to be said because he dunked on Dwight Howard and did the most humble celebration one could do. He walked away as if it was just another day at the office. Slow and steady, like a super agent who’s only doing his job, ma’am. He’s just putting the ball in the rim as his contract requires.
Note the eerie contrast between his initial explosion, the dunk and the cold walk afterwards. It’s like he was in the zone, erased Howard from human history and then, like Lady MacBeth jarred from her sleepwalking, realized that he has blood on his hands.
It’s a shame because after a dunk like this, it’s only right to hang on the rim, throw your tongue out and do at least five pull-ups. Maybe go for the Shaq celebration and push Howard over. Or, if Barnes is as hyped as he should be, he could have brought out the classic LeBron James over Jason Terry celebration, where you dunk and stare at your victim dead-eyed to let him know that he’s in the Lion’s Den and there’s no higher power to help him.
He has to let Howard know that in that moment in time, the universe chose to make him a casualty instead of doing literally anything else. He at least has to thump his chest, sneer at the crowd and flex his bicep. It’s only right.
After all, Harrison Barnes started the game off against the rival Rockets by turning their second best player into a Vine joke. All Howard could do was search aimlessly for the ball. It was like when someone gets roasted in a group text message and tries to change the subject so he can collect what's left of his feelings.
Life is so cold, man. If only Barnes made it feel colder.
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