Stan Van Gundy should perhaps try decaf

Good morning. Let’s basketball.

ALL HAIL BOBO: Boris Diaw has a working cappucino maker plugged in at his locker. In related news, Boris Diaw is the G.O.A.T. Thank you, Jeff McDonald, for proving why media access to the locker room is so vital.

SCORES GALORE ...

NYK 98, MIA 90
IND 95, ORL 86
CLE 121, WAS 115
DET 99, BOS 94
TOR 91, BKN 74
DEN 78, MIN 74 (90s throwback style!)
DAL 100, NOP 91
UTA 98, SAS 123
CHA 102, PHX 111
MEM 94, OKC 112
LAC 109, POR 98

OH NO: C.J. McCollum was ineligible to play for the Blazers because the Blazers forgot to circle his name on the lineup card. Portland tried to fix it once the mistake was realized, but the Clippers were the high-achieving kids arguing that the teacher accepting late work would injure the responsible students who turned in their work on time. (I may have some issues related to this.)

SO NICE HE DID IT TWICE: Russell Westbrook dropped a Eurostep on Mario Chalmers. On his way back up the floor, Russell celebrated by doing two more Eurosteps on invisible Grizzlies. (Invisible Grizzlies are the most dangerous kind, so I respect Westbrook for remaining ever vigilant.)

DOPE! Stephanie Ready and Ann Myers Drysdale made history at Hornets-Suns as it was the first game in NBA history in which both TV analysts were women.

CLASSIC SVG: Stan Van Gundy melts down over a fairly mundane loose ball gaffe by the Pistons. Glorious.

NICE TRY: Otto Porter played tight defense on LeBron on the wing. Don’t do it, because he will absolutely blow by you and dunk the hell out of the ball.

A PREGNANT PAUSE: John Wall’s free throw sat on the rim for what seemed like an eternity, and for some reason Iman Shumpert laughed like a clown on nitrous.

SURE ENOUGH! Carmelo Anthony is passing more and defending better this season. Yaron Weitzman notes that this has been the Melo folks always wanted to see.

ACCURATE: Kevin O’Connor argues that D’Angelo Russell is still on track and that Lakers fans shouldn’t panic.

SPEAKING OF THE LAKERS ... I appreciate this consideration by Darius Soriano of Mitch Kupchak’s recent comments on the Lakers’ crazy balancing act.

BAD: DeMarre Carroll is hurt and rumor is he’ll miss up to two months.

REALLY GOOD POINT: Jesus Gomez notes that while the Spurs have a low possessions per game rate, they don’t necessarily play slow. The terminology is definitely messy around this topic.

THE 21ST CENTURY COLISEUM: Vivek Ranadive, franchise owner of the Kings, pens a Medium piece touting the high-tech amenities of the new Sacramento arena.

“EVERY WAVE IS RECORDED”: Adi Joseph on the branding of Kobe’s farewell tour.

NEW 30 FOR 30S: ESPN announced its year of 30 for 30 documentaries. The only basketball one: an April film on the mid-90s Orlando Magic. Shaq and Penny and executive producing, so I’m sure this will lean toward the fun side.

TONIGHT TONIGHT: TNT has Celtics-Bulls (kind of a critical game for Boston to right the ship) and Lakers-Kings (Kobe’s last visit to Sacramento). I really hope the Kings commemorate Kobe with a suitcase full of cheeseburgers.

Happy Thursday. See you next time.