The Raptors are going to the NBA Finals and 20 other bold playoff predictions

The 2017 NBA Playoffs begin Saturday. They will end sometime in the distant future. While it is impossible to foretell what magic the playoffs will bring, let’s try anyway. (It worked out pretty well when I picked a Cavaliers title win a year ago!)

Here are 21 bold predictions for the playoffs.

1. Jazz vs. Clippers is going to be brutal. Utah’s defense is spectacular, but Chris Paul is a genius who tortures big men on the pick and roll. The Jazz move the ball so well but lack release-valve isolation scorers (Joe Johnson excepted). DeAndre Jordan isn’t as stout defensively as Rudy Gobert, but he gets the job done. This series should go all seven. L.A.’s playoff experience matters and should win the day.

2. The Warriors are going to trounce the Blazers (bless their hearts), rest up, and trounce the Clippers or Jazz in Round 2. It’s that rest while the other team is fighting for their lives that makes it so tough to survive two months of playoff action as a team outside the No. 1 or 2 seeds.

3. The Memphis Grizzlies will finally blow up the roster after getting blown off the court by the Spurs.

4. Russell Westbrook will average a 40-point triple-double for his series against the Rockets. It won’t be nearly enough. It isn’t that Houston is unbeatable for a slightly above-average team like the Thunder. It’s that Oklahoma City isn’t good enough to do it four times in seven games. They don’t have enough shooting against a team that’s going to hit a bunch of threes.

5. The individual matchups — Patrick Beverley guarding Westbrook, Andre Roberson guarding James Harden — are going to be delightful.

6. Presuming we end up with Rockets vs. Spurs in Round 2, we’ll have ourselves a series. Houston played San Antonio to a draw in four close games this season. Kawhi Leonard, Danny Green, and Dewayne Dedmon make for an electric defensive core, but we know Harden can cook on anyone (except maybe the Warriors) and Houston is built to get threes off from any position. San Antonio’s primary strength is preventing clean threes and refusing to foul. Against Harden, there’s going to be some give in that. But not enough to make up for the fact that LaMarcus Aldridge and Kawhi are going to feast on offense. Spurs in a seven-game classic ...

7. ... that wears down San Antonio enough while Golden State rests. I love the Spurs, I think Kawhi is the second-best player in the world, and I think defense goes a long way to papering over roster deficiencies. But man, the Warriors are just incredible. So here’s a bold prediction: The Warriors pull a Moses and make it through the Western Conference without a loss. 12-0 (Fo’, Fo’, Fo’) heading into the Finals.

8. Moving to the East, the wildest, most watchable first-round series won’t be Jazz-Clippers, Rockets-Thunder (although that will be crazy watchable for the two megastars alone), or Cavaliers-Pacers. It’s going to be Celtics vs. Bulls, the East’s improbably competitive 1-8 matchup.

The Celtics are better, deeper, and more well-coached than the Bulls. But Chicago is coming in hot and Boston’s defense has remained underwhelming despite the excellent win-loss record. The Celtics will pull it out, but it’ll take seven games to do it. (An unexpectedly difficult first-round series is a rite of passage for great Boston teams.)

9. Rajon Rondo will have an inexplicably huge game in Boston at some point. This is Rajon Rondo. This is what he does.

10. I don’t know about the Wizards. I don’t know about the Hawks. I truly believe Washington’s better, but that West Coast trip seemed to mess them up just a bit. Atlanta is so hot and cold, and almost certainly not healthy. John Wall and Bradley Beal feel a little magical right now, so let’s ride with Wizards in 7.

11. I don’t understand the high expectations of competitiveness for Raptors vs. Bucks. Giannis Antetokounmpo is a god. But he is a god. Milwaukee has a negative net rating since the All-Star break. Toronto has been as good as the Spurs and Clippers. The Raptors don’t have the best player in this series, but they have the next three best. Raptors in four.

12. Strange things happen when Lance Stephenson is in a Pacers uniform. The Cavaliers aren’t good right now, and turning it on doesn’t mean going from objectively bad to amazing in a moment’s notice. Cleveland will be better than they have been, but is that enough? It’s enough to beat the weirdo Pacers, but not easily. Cavaliers in seven. A series win with baaaaad omens.

13. Bad omens like a second-round defeat to the Raptors. Cleveland beat Toronto 4-2 in last year’s playoffs, and won the three games that mattered this season. Cleveland has LeBron James and a star-studded roster. Cleveland deserves the benefit of the doubt.

But the Cavaliers have been playing with fire for the past two months, and it’s going to burn them. Playing uninspired, lackadaisical basketball during the regular season still gets you enough wins for a good seed if you have this talent. In the playoffs, playing like that gets you beat. At the risk of letting recency bias defeat me, over the past two weeks I have become convinced the Cavaliers aren’t returning to the Finals. If something was going to really change, it would have by now.

14. Who will win the potential Funeral Series? I’ve had trouble sussing this out. Isaiah Thomas is going to be a problem for the Celtics defense — he has to guard Otto Porter, essentially — but it’s difficult to imagine the Wizards winning games in Boston. Washington was three games under .500 on the road this season. The Celtics didn’t win either game in D.C. this year, but have been pretty good on the road. That gives them enough of an edge. Boston in six.

15. The Raptors were the second-best team in the East after the All-Star break. The best team — the Miami Heat — didn’t make the playoffs. Kyle Lowry missed most of that spell. Toronto had a long lull in the middle of the season after a brilliant start. That has clouded how the Raptors are perceived. They are freaking good. They are No. 4 in the league in net rating for the full season. Toronto has the No. 2 offense in the East (behind Cleveland) and the No. 3 defense (behind Atlanta and Miami). Toronto has been better than Boston in both categories. What I’m trying to say is: The Toronto Raptors are going to the NBA Finals.

16. The Toronto Raptors are going to the NBA Finals. Drake on ABC for two weeks, how fun!

17. The Toronto Raptors are not going to win the NBA Finals. The Golden State Warriors are going to win the NBA Finals. Easily. No offense to the Raptors, who are good, but this is starting to feel like the early 2000s: The Western Conference Finals are the real Finals.

18. The Warriors are by far the best team in the NBA, and will go 16-0 in the playoffs — the first time that’s ever been done — to claim their second championship in three years.

19. Draymond Green won’t even get ejected from any games!

20. Stephen Curry will finally win the Finals MVP, capping an extraordinary three-year run and beginning summer conversations about whether he’s the greatest point guard ever.

21. Kevin Durant will be absolutely adorable as an NBA champion. Klay Thompson will continue to live the best life. Draymond Green will have another, uh, slurry championship parade. Curry will continue his rise to cultural dominance. The league’s other stars will begin to conspire to take down the mighty Warriors. Murmurs will rekindle the specter of Team Banana Boat. Someone will pitch out a rumor that Westbrook and Harden want to team up to defeat KD. The Miami Heat will again become a superpower based around Hassan Whiteside and Dion Waiters. The Warriors will renew their elite arrogance. It will be just wonderful, all of it.

Here’s to dominance.