P.J. Tucker is wrong about waffles

P.J. Tucker posts a lot of beautiful images of pancake stacks on Instagram. So Matt Ellentuck asked him about his love of the breakfast food. It turns out that Tucker looks up the best pancake spot in each town on the road and orders a stack for lunch on game days. Sometimes, he goes for the specialty stacks with wild toppings. Also, he’s playing 36 minutes a game, fueled by carb bombs for lunch.

This is good and interesting. But Tucker is extremely wrong about at least one thing.

”Waffles are fake,” he tells SB Nation. “They’re not the real deal.”

This is an outrage and a lie.

Pancakes are good, more egalitarian and accessible than waffles. This is true. But waffles are absolutely the real deal, and a vast improvement on the pancake. They invented machines to make waffles because those waffles are so superior to pancakes. Most American families have at least one of these waffle-making contraptions because waffles are worth it. (I have three waffle irons. Don’t ask.)

Waffles are pancakes with depth, multiple textures, and -- most importantly -- syrup and butter traps. Waffles are quite simply evolved pancakes, the homo sapiens to pancakes’ homo erectus. The world knows this to be true. It’s why every decent person considers Waffle House superior to IHOP. It’s why that most American of breakfast dishes -- chicken and waffles -- isn’t chicken and pancakes.

You can absolutely prefer pancakes if you so choose. The heart wants what it wants. But don’t go trashing waffles to cover up your pancake-inspired insecurities. Accept that you prefer an inferior option. Be honest with yourself. Don’t lash out at that which is greater. Don’t be a waffle hater.

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