On Saturday, Denard Robinson left the Michigan-Ohio State game with dislocated fingers in his non-throwing hand. This, of course, is nothing new: Robinson has seemingly suffered some sort of minor injury almost every week of this season. And yet, he always returns, whether it’s in the second half of the episode or in next week’s episode.
Denard Robinson Suffers Injury Every Week, Is Basically Jack Bauer
In other words, he is Jack Bauer. A quick rundown:
9/4, vs. Connecticut - left game when it was learned that the Huskies kidnapped his wife and daughter.
9/11, at Notre Dame - left to search for evidence that a nuclear bomb plot was engineered by domestic entities, and not a fictional Middle Eastern-sounding nation.
9/18, vs. Massachusetts - infiltrated inner circle of handsome Mexican drug lords in order to secure biochemical weapon.
9/25, vs. Bowling Green - left locker room at halftime to storm terrorist castle fortress with smoke bombs and AR-13 assault rifle; also, rescued kidnapped daughter from terrorist family and their weird socially awkward terrorist teenager.
10/2, at Indiana - faked own death in third quarter.
10/9, vs. Michigan State - exposed everyone on the Michigan roster as a mole.
10/16, vs. Iowa - Left in first quarter to settle down and live under an alias with a warm-hearted woman and her flippant indignant son.
10/30, at Penn State - Left in first quarter to disarm nuclear bomb, nuclear bomb detonates, everyone forgets about it, Robinson returns to play third quarter.
11/6, vs. Illinois - explains to head coach Rich Rodriguez that he has to leave game because it turns out that his evil brother is orchestrating a terrorist plot. Rodriguez is extremely skeptical but says, "well, whatever, it's not like I'm going to stop watching."
11/13, at Purdue - Discovers that fellow Michigan quarterback Tate Forcier, long presumed dead, is not only alive, but evil and with a soul patch. Robinson and Forcier leave the game and spend several hours either chasing or being chased by each other through generic-looking abandoned factories/warehouses while yelling each other's name.
11/20, vs. Wisconsin - Inhales deadly neurotoxin in second quarter, is all better in third quarter. Also, his daughter was probably kidnapped and there was another mole again.
11/27, at Ohio State - Heads to sideline in second quarter with dislocated fingers. Before he does, he looks directly at the television camera before dashing out of view. Rich Rodriguez, fighting back tears, says, "shut it down."
Bowl game - probably about as disappointing as the 24 movie will be.
The bright side of this is that Denard Robinson 24, by necessity, will be canceled well before it gets super-horrible around Season 6.
See More:
