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Come Fan with UsMonday, June 22, 2026

Joe Paterno Captures 400th Win, Just Happy To Get Paid

He’s had to face down concerns about his health and open speculation about who will succeed him in a job that he has not yet left. But Joe Paterno’s Penn State team rallied from 21 points down today to hand the iconic coach his 400th career win.

↵Contrary to popular belief, JoePa is not an undead creature who feasts on brains, nor was he the original coach when Penn State football began in 1887. He started a few years after that. It was actually 1966, for those of you who believe in “accuracy” and stuff.

↵And Paterno was his usual understated, team-centric self when asked about the victory by ESPN. “I was just delighted to see us come back,” he said. His first answer when asked what motivated him? “Getting paid.”

↵So congratulations for JoePa on reaching a mark that no other major college coach has ever reached.

↵And to those in State College, Pa.: Sleep with your doors locked, and keep an eye out for a diminutive old man moaning “BRAAAINS.” Just in case.

↵

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