At 9:15 p.m. EST, Oklahoma State and Arizona do battle in the Alamo Bowl. Need to decide on a team to root for? Spencer Hall is here to help.
Oklahoma State Vs. Arizona: Your Rootability Index For The Alamo Bowl
PAGLIACCI CONSIDERS YOUR ANTICS TOO THEATRICAL. If we’re comparing the coaches, it’s really just a matter of taste. For you drama queens, there’s Oklahoma State coach Mike Stoops, who complains a quantified and verified 51.2% of the time he is shown on television.
In another universe, Arizona’s Mike Stoops is an accomplished actor in Hong Kong films. He plays a heavy named “Oh-san,” a devious British artistocrat and shipping magnate determined to rob China of its cultural heritage by stealing its artifacts. Heavy-emoting Mike Stoops was born for this role.
Anyway, there’s Gundy on the other sideline, who despite his epic work “I’m a Man, And I Am Forty” is fairly low-key. it’s a strange world we live in where Mike Gundy is the stoic in the group, but here we are, cowboy.
SPEAKING OF COWBOYS. Stylistically, neither team will disappoint for lack of flair. Arizona's gameplan usually involves more than a few heaves downfield to Juron Criner, who while not a burner is more than capable of playing jumpball with anyone in the country. They're anything but mundane, right down to the flowing locks of hair on the Arizona defensive line and Nick Foles' epic mane.
They don't compare offensively to Oklahoma State, however. Few teams do, since most teams don't have a 4,000-yard passer (Brandon Weeden), a 1,600-yard wideout (Justin Blackmon, and that's WITH a suspension for a DUI arrest on the year), and a 1,500-yard rusher. The appropriate defensive coordinator's response to this is to leap headfirst from the pressbox, which you may see at one point this evening. Arrange padding appropriately, AlamoDome personnel.
RANDOM FACTORS AND TRAITS. Oklahoma State fans enjoy wearing cowboy hats as a matter of practice, and look quite good in them. Arizona fans lack proper fashionable headgear, but make up for it in hospitality and courtesy. Arizona closed the season with four crushing losses, including a baffling 30-29 loss to Arizona State on two missed extra points. Since bowl season makes no sense whatsoever, this means they will roar from the gates and win this game by 30. (<----makes no sense, we repeat, but we’re not the only ones following this logic.)
If you’re still deciding who to pull for, remember that T. Boone Pickens probably already owns the water and air rights to your city, so you might want to kiss up to him by pulling for Oklahoma State.
LEAN: Oklahoma State. We like breathing, and have no problem buttering up our future overlords. “Your head looks splendid in that jar, Mr. Pickens!”
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