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Come Fan with UsThursday, August 6, 2026

Pick Michigan’s New Mascot In Our Completely Binding And Scientific Poll

Newish Michigan AD Dave Brandon is throwing out all sorts of newfangled ideas up in Ann Arbor, and you’ll have to ask our Wolverines community exactly what that means to them, but the one that caught my eye Friday afternoon was the proposition for a potential mascot to enter maize and blue lore.

We’re all about teamwork here at SB Nation, so after careful consultation with several other Increasingly Inaccurately-Named Big Ten bloggers who I’m sure have UM’s best interests at heart, the following list of possible mascot choices has been compiled. Here to help!

• “Rusty,” an anthropomorphic Rusty Nail cocktail.
• “Wiggles,” the Unsustainable Economic Model (trick play here: she’s an actual model!).
• “Oliver,” a cardigan-clad hipster who hates the institution of academia but is a slave to it (and is blissfully unaware that his particular institution has an athletic component/history).
• “Silas,” a barista, preparing the student body at large for a career in the service industry after wasting $50,000+ of their parent’s money majoring in “Sociology of Transportation Related Industry” (can you tell this one came from an Ohio State fan? You can, right?).
• “Fluffy,” an actual live wolverine that Brady Hoke wears as a stole on the sidelines. Would YOU talk back to that?

Your votes below, if you please, and leave further suggestions in the comments if so inspired:

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