Eight Ball The Tiger Unmasked: It Was Clemson’s President All Along!

...HEY GUYS CAN ANYONE ELSE SEE ALL THESE PALADINS APPARENTLY ITS THE MASCOT OF A BIBLE COLLEGE HERE IN STATE BUT IT JUST REMINDS ME OF THAT TIME I HAD TO GET ALL THOSE FAVORS DONE IN SHANGHAI I HAD TO GET A PAIR OF CLEAN EYEBALLS BEFORE OUR “MERCHANT SHIP” LEFT PORT AND MAYBE THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING I SAW ON CINEMAX NO MY JAW DOESN’T HURT WHY DO YOU ASK...

Like a Scooby-Doo mystery ghostwritten by Hunter Thompson, that dastardly tweakin’ Tiger Eight Ball was finally unmasked Saturday afternoon, and....

.... University President James F. Barker???!! ZONIKS!

YOU GUYS WON’T BELIEVE HOW I GOT US TO MAKE THE MOST IMPROVED LIST OF US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT’S BEST PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TAX REBATE A LAND GRANT INSTITUTION GETS BECAUSE IT CAN BUY A LOT OF ALPACA FARMS AND THEY’RE REALLY SWEET CREATURES BUT THEY’RE ALL UPTIGHT AND NOT CHILL ABOUT WHEN YOU TRY AND RACE THEM WHILE YOU’RE ON MESCALINE BUT I’M NOT SAYING WE DID ANY OF THAT WITH THE EDITORIAL BOARD OF US NEWS EVEN THOUGH THAT ASSHOLE STAN OWES ME $3000 AND IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN A BROKEN NOSE TO YOUR WIFE AT FIVE IN THE MORNING THAT’S JUST LOVE MAN LOVE TAKES CARE OF THAT AND I LOVE CLEMSON UNIVERSITY SO CAN YOU GIVE ME A RIDE TO THE CONOCO STATION I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS JUST BECAUSE OK...