An annual NFL draft tradition: pro-only fans shouting in disbelief about a player’s wonderful name as college fans scoff like hipsters, having known about that player’s incredible lyricism for years.
The 2017 NFL draft’s All-Name Team, led by Jake Butt, Raekwon McMillan, and Dee Liner
A tremendous amount of poetry is moving from college to the pros. Let us celebrate it.
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports
Let’s not do that this time. Let’s join together in praising the music of this year’s draft roster.
So! Below is a starting 22 of 2017 prospects, made up of nothing but the finest names at each position.
Your captains are Arkansas State D lineman Dee Liner, Michigan tight end Jake Butt (who already has a toilet paper endorsement deal) ...
... and Ohio State linebacker Raekwon McMillan, who’ll undoubtedly be the NFL’s first player to be named after a Wu-Tang member and whose name has been a reminder since 2012 that WE ARE ALL OLD. Even better, Urban Meyer’s nickname for McMillan as a recruit was “Bubble,” based on his muscular backside. Raekwon the Bubble!
Onward to the full list of starters, not all of whom will be drafted (meaning this list will need some revisions once the seventh round ends), but all of whom have very good names:
Position | Player | School |
|---|
We must also mention Alabama WR Gehrig Dieter (actually named after Lou Gehrig), Washington State WR River Cracraft, Oregon TE Pharaoh Brown (following South Carolina/Rams WR Pharoh Cooper, giving us two straight drafts with Egyptian royalty), Arkansas TE Jeremy Sprinkle, Old Dominion DT Rashaad Coward (dare you to call him that!), Appalachian State CB Mondo Williams, Cincinnati DB Mike Tyson, and Wisconsin CB Sojourn Shelton.
Anyway, look at how much more pleasant and inspiring your Sunday audial experience is about to get, NFL friends.
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