The NFL has announced the full lineup of musical acts leading up to Super Bowl 45, and it’s a treasure trove of chart-toppers and heartstoppers that will have Americans going WILD. Or maybe it’s all just a plot to literally drive us all insane. If nothing else, it’s proof that Roger Goodell has the worst iPod on the face of the earth.
Super Bowl XLV, The Music: Black Eyed Peas, Christina Aguilera, And So Much More!
But hey, nothing says football like a little Maroon 5! Amirite?!
Indeed, the lineup will bring America an impressive collection of “warmed-over” and “washed-up”, topped off with the most wretched creation ever wrought on humanity. Just look at all the stars!
First, on the pregame show.
Keith Urban, an Australian that sings super awesome country music like this.
Maroon 5, a pioneer in the Queefcore genre.
Then, singing “America the Beautiful”:
Lea Michele, from Glee, pretty much the best show ever.
...And with the National Anthem:
Christina Aguilera. Okay, this actually could be awesome.
And finally, the musical equivalent to Adrian Grenier’s acting career:
- Black Eyed Peas, noted for penning the worst song ever. Then making the same song, over and over and over and over again. Should be a great halftime show!
Did Janet Jackson’s boob guarantee us a lifetime of terrible Super Bowl acts, or is this some sort of cruel joke? You know, like that Dr. Pepper commercial where Fergie pretends to seduce us.
It’s all a practical joke, isn’t it?
DON’T LOOK, AMERICA.
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