Before Lockout Season, A Lesson For Athletes About Ballin’ On A Budget

The NFL on the verge of a lockout, the NBA will have a labor crisis of its own come July, and even Major League Baseball could get in on the fun, when their collective bargaining agreement expires in December.

There are a lot of implications to all this, but they clearest of all is that there will be a lot less ballin in the lives of pro athletes. Less sports? Uh... Yeah, maybe. But we’re talking about BALLIN.

Like, buying matching $200,000 chains for every starter on your high school basketball team. Spending $10,000 on fireworks--not even on the fourth of July, but just because you felt like it. Buying a private jet even though your team flies privately and you’ll never need one. But you buy it anyway, just because... A PRIVATE JET IS SO SO BALLIN.

But alas, in 2011, that’ll have to end.

How will players adapt? Well, glad you asked. The NBA is a trendsetter here, and the Players Association recently put together a Lockout Handbook that should help players transition with tips like this:

“Clothing and jewelry often have little or no resale value, so if times get tough, you will not be able to liquidate it quickly,” the handbook says in the section labeled “Clothing and Jewelry.” “Instead of making large purchases in the next year, save the money you were going to spend on clothes and jewelry in a lockout fund to protect yourself and your loved ones.”

I know what you’re thinking. No more jewelry? But that Reke Havoc chain was so icy!

That’s not the only change, though. Even if players won’t exactly become destitute overnight, they have to be careful about the way they portray themselves during a lockout. Leverage means the world, and public opinion is shaped by the media. So, a tip to all the ballers out there--don’t do what Kenny Anderson did:

The handbook contains a section on interacting with the media, pointing out how one player “garnered a lot of undesirable attention and took the focus away from our agenda” in 1998.

That player was Kenny Anderson, who in October 1998 told the New York Times that he was “thinking of selling one of my cars.”

“I don’t need all of them,” Anderson told the Times, laughing. “You know, just get rid of the Mercedes.”

And in case you were wondering, yes, Kenny Anderson wound up broke. As one former NBA player said, “They can wallpaper the inside of guys’ houses with these things and there’s still going to be a guy who’s a knucklehead and not make good decisions.”

But that was then, guys. This is 2011, and finally, we have a lockout handbook to handle this sort of stuff. Major League Baseball, pro football, the NBA... All of them could be saved by the Lockout Handbook, and you know what that means? They’ll be back to buyin’ private jets before you know it. BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIN.