Joe Theismann And A Touchdown That Wasn’t A Touchdown But Turned Out To Be A Touchdown

Sep 2, 2011, 1:47 PM UTC

Brandon Banks is one of the most explosive return men in football, and after missing the first few games of the Redskins’ preseason schedule, he came back Thursday night against Tampa Bay and got back to what he does best--returning kicks for touchdowns.

But it wasn’t quite that simple. On the way into the endzone, he flipped the ball out of his hands and out of bounds, and Tampa Bay challenged. Enter the Right Reverend Joe Theismann for a sermon on How To Play The Game. A transcript of Theismann’s rant is after the jump.

Here’s the thing about bad announcers. It’s not that they’re always wrong, but when they’re right, the bad announcers have a way of belaboring a point that’ll slowly drive you insane. Like a slow boil, it builds slowly, until a few minutes later you freak out and you realize you’ve been listening to the same, obvious point be made for the past five minutes. Hey, Joe Theismann!

I don’t care if you’re a hot dog, do whatever you want, but make sure you’re in the endzone. This is comin’ back. He does NOT have possession. He does NOT have possession of the ball when he crosses the goalline, and that’s just downright BAD football sense.
That’s a nice job of officiating, and bein’ a hotdog doesn’t get it done. I will say this, I bet ya he learns his lesson after this one.

He’s still making an obvious point supported by old timey football cliches, but he’s probably right. See, if he’d stopped here, we’d be okay with it. Just focus on breaking down the replay and whether the challenge will hold up, right? But then the rhetorical questions start.

Is it so hard, in this day and age, to run the ball into the endzone? I mean I don’t think football has changed that much where you don’t wanna score touchdowns. It’s so simple. It’s so simple. You know, if you run around and hand it to an official you don’t have to worry about somethin’ like this.
It’s stupid! It’s stupid hotdogging. And see that smile that Mike Shanahan had before? Not smilin’ now. That’s [Redskins special teams coach] Danny Smith tryin’ to explain to him... See the vein on Danny’s neck? That means that the conversation’s not going very well for Brandon Banks.
We’ve seen it. Guys, all of a sudden they get near the goalline and it’s like their brain stops working. Here’s another thing, I don’t understand where teammates come up and congratulate another guy for bein’ stupid. Fred Davis can laugh about it, Donte Stallworth can laugh about it. They’re not the ones that did it. This kid’s tryin’ to make a football team.
The problem is it’s not a touchdown... Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, make sure you got the ball in your hands, or else you won’t get a TD. [Partner chimes in: “Instead you’ll get a TB, a touchback, Tampa Bay Football]. That’s right! Finished my little poem off...
[...]
Maybe this’ll be a great lesson for Brandon Banks.

[2 seconds later]

Referee: “After review, the ruling on the field stands, it is a touchdown.” Maybe the real lesson is, this is why we should all be grateful Joe Theismann’s not working national TV games anymore.