There’s bad sportswriting, there’s aggressively terrible sportswriting, and then there’s a separate plane of awful reserved for only the most magical among us. Here’s Courtland Milloy and his spectacular lede of all time over at the Washington Post:
REPORT: RGIII got hurt because the Redskins name is offensive
Robert Griffin III went into surgery Wednesday morning to repair torn ligaments in his right knee, and while the world waits on his recovery, one man explains why it happened.
Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports
So, Washington football fans, how’s that offensive team name and demeaning sports mascot working out? Whooping and hollering as RGIII goes on a “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
THAT’S NEWSPAPER WRITIN’.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
A “Redskins” warpath only to leave a trail of tears when his wounded knee gets buried at FedEx Field.
Holy shit!
Some of the best bad sportswriting you’ll ever see. He continues:
In this obscene home team sports fantasy, the gifted Robert Griffin III was reduced to a “noble savage.” Let the “Redskin” play hurt. He can take it. Hail to the young brave-hearted quarterback as he limps into battle on that injured knee. Three cheers as he fights on his one good leg for Old D.C.
[...]
Bad karma, I tell you, that team name.
Bold take! Great take.
It was all karmic payback, you see. Just look at the facts.
...And just like that, with one Troll Tuesday masterpiece, the gauntlet has been thrown down. The only way to top this would be blaming the torn ACL on Congress. Which, come to think of it, should probably happen in the next 15 minutes or so. Sports!
