Anyone who deals in advanced football statistics can tell you the primary problem with measurement like yards per play or points per drive - they aren't opponent adjusted. Absurd Power Rankings isn't about to make that mistake, however, so this week we're assigning every NFL team a value based on a metric that is entirely opponent adjusted: points per game allowed to the Rams, all-time.
The road to NFL success runs through the Rams
You can tell a lot about an NFL franchise based on how many points it gives up against the St. Louis Rams.
Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports
1. St. Louis. Being themselves the Rams, the Rams have not given up any points to the Rams, because there is no rule by which a team can score on itself. A safety comes close, but even that does not end with the Rams scoring any points against the Rams.
2. Miami. Of the teams that have been scored upon by the Rams, the Dolphins have fared the best, allowing 18.16 points per game over twelve meetings. Not coincidentally, Miami's also got the best winning percentage against the Rams with a 10-2 record.
3. New England. This week's bronze medalist, the Patriots have allowed 18.5 points per game when they've faced the Rams. They're only 7-5 in those matchups, though I guess they did win the most important one.
4. Oakland. When the Rams play the Raiders, they average 18.83 points scored. Granted, the Rams haven't played Oakland or any other AFC West team since 2010, but they're all waiting on the St. Louis schedule this year.
5. Kansas City. At 18.9 points allowed, the Chiefs are the last of the teams that holds the Rams under 19 points a game.
6 (tie). Washington/Cincinnati. Washington's played the Rams 35 times, while the Bengals have only squared off with St. Louis on 12 occasions, but they're equal in the eyes of Absurd Power Rankings, each allowing an average of 19 points on the dot in those games.
8. Philadelphia. Allows an average of 19.16 points to the Rams, though that number could have been better if the Eagles hadn't let St. Louis climb back into their game last week.
9. Seattle. When the Seahawks play St. Louis, the Rams score 19.94 points, at least as a historical matter. The recent games haven't been near that number; in their last seven meetings, the Rams have only scored more than 14 points once.
10. Buffalo. The Bills allow exactly 20 points per game to the Rams, which is amazing since it's hard to remember a single Bills-Rams game even taking place.
11. Dallas. Average points allowed to the Rams: 20.125. Points given up to the Rams this year: 31. This team is clearly trending downward.
12. Baltimore. There have only been five Baltimore-St. Louis games, and we won't have another until 2015. Until then, the Ravens are stuck here with 20.2 points per Rams game allowed.
13. Detroit. The Lions were the first opponent the Rams played when they joined the NFL in 1937, and they didn't fare well, losing 28-0 to Detroit. But things have improved for the Rams since then, who now average 20.48 points when facing the Lions.
14. Chicago. Though the Bears are hovering near the middle of this list with 20.54 points allowed per game to the Rams, they do have the best overall point differential against St. Louis -- 228 points better than the Rams over 85 games.
15. Pittsburgh. Barely behind Chicago, the Steelers give up 20.56 points on average when they play the Rams. While Pittsburgh's only 8-14-1 against St. Louis all time, many of those Rams wins are old; the Steelers have gone 7-3 in these games since 1980.
16. Carolina. In 20 meetings, the Panthers have held the Rams to an average of 20.75 points, and Carolina's won the only playoff game between the two, a double OT victory in 2004.
17. Tennessee. St. Louis scores exactly three touchdowns per game against the Titans, which means, no, 16 points still wasn't enough to win Super Bowl XXXIV.
18. Arizona. The Cardinals allow 21.15 points when they play the Rams and at one point beat St. Louis eight times in a row between 2006 and 2010.
19. San Francisco. No franchise has faced the Rams more often than the Niners; the two have squared off 130 times (including Monday night) and are nearly deadlocked record-wise at 65-62-3. But the Niners are here despite their win because they’ve given up an average of 21.25 points across those 130 games.
20. Denver. The Broncos have given up 21.6 points per game to the Rams, though one suspects that number won't be high enough for St. Louis to win a month from now when they host Denver.
21. Tampa Bay. 21.9 points per Rams game allowed, and did you know this matchup used to have major implications in the race for the NFC title? It’s true, somehow!
22. Minnesota. In Rams-Vikings games, St. Louis has averaged 21.98 points ... but Minnesota's 25-16-2 in those games because they score nearly a point better per game.
23. Indianapolis. The Rams average 22.09 points per game against the Colts, though the two have only played seven times since the latter left Baltimore.
24. Cleveland. We've gotten 22 Rams-Browns games, and they've split them right down the middle -- 11 wins for each team. In those games, the Rams have scored an average of 22.41 points.
25. New Orleans. Giving up 22.65 points per game to the Rams isn’t great, New Orleans, especially when you’ve only held St. Louis under 20 points once in your last 14 meetings.
26. New York Giants. The Giants allow an average of 23.3 points when they play the Rams, but they'll get a chance to move up this ranking when they play St. Louis in Week 16.
27. Atlanta. The 23.55 points per game the Falcons have yielded to the Rams isn't great. The series point differential is even worse; Atlanta's been outscored by 487 points in 77 games.
28. Jacksonville. They've only played four games, but the Jaguars haven't offered much resistance to the Rams in any of them, giving up an average of 23.75 points.
29. Green Bay. It can't all be offense, Packers. 23.83 points per game game given up to the Rams is going to bite you when (checks playoff projections) never mind.
30. New York Jets. 23.85 points allowed on average against the Rams puts the Jets in arguably the least absurd position in this week's ranking.
31. San Diego. Blame the small sample size (10 games) if you want, but 26.6 points per game allowed is still 26.6 points per game allowed, Chargers fans.
32. Houston. A nice, even 28 points on average given up to the Rams in three meetings.
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