MMBM Week 13: Hippie police officers need to get a job and stop protesting

We’re required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM,, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.

Now normally I stand firmly behind our boys in blue- they have a tough job to do and I woudnt want to be in there shoes. I would probably break all kinds of laws on a daily basis if I were a cop which is probably why I only lasted a few years on the force. But the letter that the St. Louis police sent to the Rams and the NFL came dangerously close to sounding like the STLPD were becoming the protesters instead of doing their job and arresting them.

The statement pointed out that police officers and there supporters are actually the ones who buy most of the NFLs corporate partner’s products like light beer, viagra, and new pickup trucks like 3 times a year, so unless the league wants to deal with a boycot then they better get there players in line. This new stance means that now the Cops are the ones who are marching in defiance and that concerns me.

These damn millenial hipster police officers need to get a damn job instead of protesting like a bunch of filthy hippie communists. Since when are the police look-at-me protestor types? Memo- you swore to Protect & Serve, not to Protest and Selfie. They think there going to change the world well how about they change into a clean shirt first folks. These activist libtard law enforcement officers need to remember that there freedom of speech ends where my right to enjoy high-flying NFL action begins, and I dont take kindly to them injecting themselves into what should be a issue only for NFL fans. Maybe the cops need to take a look at there OWN communitys and police themselves for protesting before they start policing football players for doing it. Roger Goodell is the judge jury AND executioner and dosent need your oversite.

Also these protests by the cops dont make sense. There hurting the people the SHOULD be supporting. What about the innocent busness owners like Stan Kroenke that the Police are threatening with this boycott? Why are the cops going into there own neighborhoods and trying to destroy businesses like the St. Louis Rams? What part of the civil rights movement was about intimidating shopkeepers like Roger Goodell into losing money?

Now on to the weekly awards:

(Vine via @Bottlegate)

You hear people say everyday that they would play in the NFL for free well heres your chance, basically. Next time Im unemployed Id gladly take a job for free selling beers at NFL games- thats as big a responsbility as a scoreboard operator folks. Your basically a member of the defense because your job is to get people so blind drunk that theyll yell as loud as they can for 4 hours nonstop. If you cant see how some people would take pride in that job, and your going to hide behind some “gotcha” labor laws well then you and I are going to have a problem. What harm could possibly come from a system that makes a bunch of people work for you for free in exchange only giving them shelter and food? Checkmate.

It has been my contenton that Joe Flacco is whats known as Baldingers Cat- both Elite and Not Elite at the same time. Each week MMBM will track Joe Flaccos performence in order to determine once and for all the answer to the unanserable NFL debate: Is Joe Flacco a Elite NFL quarterback?

This weeks rating is: HE’S A DISGRACE

1. Its tough to tell when Big Bens actualy hurt and when hes injured because hes so dumb he doesnt know what pain is. For ahwile he was handing the ball off with his gloved hand which is usaly reserved for things like wiping down door handles.

2. As if RG3 wasnt having a bad enough season allready, he responds to his benching by literaly eating his pregame meal before the game. Jim Haslett was so distracted by Griffins antics that he gave up 49 points. I just dont see Robert getting his starting job back anytime soon after that fiasco.

3A.

I got all the respect in the world for fans who dress up in full pads and helmets when they go to foot ball games. Thats why I always dress up like a chef when I got out to eat, and dress up like a communist reverse-racist whenever I read a sportsblog.

5. If your a California Lottery official you should be fired immedately for your failure to come up with a “Matt Schaubs pick 6” scratch-off

6. You know it really had to chap Lovie Smiths ass that he wasnt the first coach to win a football game by making a terrible challenge

7. The Johnny Manzell era got of to a roaring start but make no misstake- Cleveland is a Hoyer town. Its a bluecollar city, not a blowcollar one from all the cocaine your spilling on it. And theres nothing about lazy Johnny that says “working” or “class.”

10. The NFL should schedule Andy Reids bye week for Thanksgiving every year otherwise its just not a fair fight. Its is like trading draft picks with Jim Irsay the morning after St Patricks Day.

“Ill take 3 Samoans!”

(Via reader Jeremy)

Why can’t I pick up JJ Watt as a WR in Fantasy Football? He has a lot more points this season than many other “me first” players at that position. Plus, you’ve got showboaters like Dexter MEcluster that can be counted as a running back AND a wide receiver; am I the only one that senses discrimination??? WR= white racism, IMO. Wake up, sheeple!

Meanwhile if you want to have your mind blown from reader “Bil”...

JJ Watt is number 99. J is the 9th letter in the alphabet. Does this mean he has turned playing for the name on the front of the jersey into playing for the name on the back?

If this is true then it is disgusting and he should be ashamed of himself and be force to change his number to 1-19-19.

UPDATE- “J” is acutaly the 10th letter in the alphabet- but the 9th is I-I Watt which is literaly even worse. Hes got the name from the back of the jersey all over the front. Absolutely atrocious.

Nothing. Absoluteley nothing.

★★★