Which NFL mascots live the longest?

1. Tennessee. The Titans of Greek mythology can be imprisoned, but they aren’t mortal.

2. Cleveland. Though there’s some question as to who the Browns are named after, we’re sticking with original coach Paul Brown, who lived to the age of 82.

3. Houston. Average life expectancy for a Texan is 80.3 years.

4(tie). Kansas City/Washington. Native Americans have a lower life expectancy than the U.S. population as a whole, at 73.5 years.

6. Pittsburgh. This study from 2000 says that male steel workers live to be 72.44 on average.

7. Buffalo. Named after Buffalo Bill Cody, who died at 70.

8. Dallas. We went with Bill Pickett, legendary rodeo cowboy who invented pulling a steer to the ground by its horns and made it to 61 before his death by horse kick.

9. Miami. Bottlenose dolphins live for 45-50 years in the wild.

10. San Francisco. We couldn’t find prospector-specific numbers, but American life expectancy in 1849 was around 42 years.

11 (tie). Denver. Wild horses live for 40 years or so.

New York Jets. The MiG-29 has a service life of 4,000 flight hours, or about 40 years.

13. New England. Turns out revolution wasn’t such a bold move; in 1776, you were only expected to make it to 35 years old.

14. Seattle. Seahawks are more commonly known as ospreys, which have a life span of 30 years.

15. Philadelphia. Eagles are slightly lower on the longevity scale, coming in at 28 years on average.

16. Chicago Bears. Grizzlies tend to make it 25 years in the wild.

17. New York Giants. The tallest confirmed human being in human history was Robert Wadlow, born in 1918 Illinois. The 8 foot, 11.1 inch Wadlow died at the age of 22.

18. Minnesota. Viking life expectancy was right around 20 years.

19. Atlanta. The peregrine falcon has a life span of 17 years.

20. Detroit. African lions usually live for 15 to 18 years, which is why so few of them can vote.

21. Arizona. Cardinals have a life expectancy of 15 years.

22. Jacksonville. Jaguars get between 12 and 15 years on average.

23. Baltimore. Naturally, the common raven has a life expectancy that is also an unlucky number: 13 years.

24. Carolina. Though it normally has a life span of 12 years, the panther has such a small population that it’s especially susceptible to car accidents, disease, and genetic disorders. (This isn’t a Cam Newton joke, somehow.)

25. St. Louis. A Rocky Mountain Bighorn Ram lives from six to 15 years in the wild.

26. Cincinnati. Bengal tigers live between eight and 10 years on average.

27. Indianapolis. Technically, a colt is only a colt when it’s four years old or younger. After that, it’s just a horse.

28 (tie). Green Bay. Named for the Indian Packing Company, which only made it two years before being purchased and absorbed by the Acme Packing Company.

Oakland/Tampa Bay. According to this museum website, once you turned pirate, you had about two years left on this Earth.

31. San Diego. Reportedly named after the bugle “Charge!” call at Dodgers and USC games when the team was still in Los Angeles. That call’s maybe 10 seconds long.

32. New Orleans. You don’t get canonized until you’re already dead.